Overcoming Vaginismus

"I had been married for almost three years, and my husband and I had never had sex."

In the beginning, we would try fairly often; sometimes we would stop because it hurt too me too much, and sometimes we would stop when it hurt him too much. He said that it felt like he was pushing against a brick wall. We never succeeded, and as time went on, we tried less and less.

All along I knew that something was really wrong, and I finally realized that I needed to do something. My husband and I loved each other so much, and I didn’t want to put pressure on us and our relationship. My husband was so amazing, and sweet, and understanding, but the whole situation was still difficult. So I finally had to admit that there was a physical problem that needed to be fixed.

As soon as I had time, I made an appointment with my gynecologist. The appointment was short, but I thought that she was nice and seemed understanding. She reinforced that I had mild vaginismus, in which vaginal muscles contract, making it painful and difficult to have sex. She prescribed me some valium as a muscle relaxant, and sent me on my way.

After this, I opened up to my mother. In all the years that this had been going on, I had never told anyone about it, because I was so embarrassed. My mother didn’t think that the valium plan would work, and she knew Batsheva, the clinical director, and so she strongly encouraged me to call the Medical Center for Female Sexuality.

When I first met with Batsheva and Melissa, they were both extremely easy to talk to and understanding. They worked hard to make me as comfortable as possible, which I appreciated so much. The whole treatment process was much shorter and physically easier than I expected. To be entirely honest, however, it was very emotionally difficult.

For three years, I had tried to push all this “stuff” to the back of my head, and actually dealing with it was really hard. Batsheva and Melissa spent a ton of time talking with me about all the things that I was having a hard time with – feeling like I wasn’t normal, feeling like a failure – and they really helped me get past it.

After two months, the dilation process was finished and my husband I were able to have sex. Since then, everything has become easier and easier, and we’re extremely happy. Before I went to the Medical Center for Female Sexuality, I honestly thought that I would never have sex. I don’t think I can fully articulate how much I appreciate everything that Batsheva and Melissa did for me. But I honestly feel like a weight was lifted, and although my husband and I were always happy and always loved each other, everything is even better now. We are doing great, and we are both just so grateful that someone could actually help us fix this problem.

-- R --
25 Years Old

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