I know I have said it before but it bears repeating: many, many, many, many, many women have orgasms on their stomachs and not on their backs. Really? Really? Really and Truly? YES!
I don't know what it is about the "stomach orgasm" that makes so many women feel like if they orgasm this way they are aberrant, when in reality it's so common. I don't have statistics, but it seems to me from my informal analysis that at least 20% of women I see are used to having orgasms on their stomach. So that leads me to ask the following questions:
Why do some women have orgasms on their stomachs only?
Why do women who orgasm that way feel there is something weird about it?
Is it bad to orgasm on your stomach?
Should you try to change the way your orgasm if the stomach is your preferred posture?
And here are my answers:
Why do some women have orgasms on their stomachs only? It seems to me from seeing hundreds of patients (although I have no hard data to back this up) that women have a "learned method" for achieving orgasm and that quickly become imprinted on their brain. It can be very difficult to try to learn a new way to have an orgasm once that has happened. Many women start masturbating when they are very young and often do so on their stomachs with a soft toy, pillow, hand or floor beneath them, and that is how they learn to have an orgasm. That will often become the preferred method of having orgasms afterwards. Makes sense, no?
Why do women who orgasm that way feel there is something weird about it? Beats me. It's not particularly weird, nor unusual. The only thing I can guess is that they are reacting to popular media which almost always shows sex as heterosexual, man or woman on top, vaginal intercourse. Well, yea, then there's little room for showing variations. But it breaks my heart when I see women so embarrassed about the way that they orgasm that they choose to not have orgasms with their partner rather than talking about it.
Is it bad to orgasm on your stomach? No. Not at all. It may be slightly more inconvenient but that is only because it's hard to have your partner stimulate you to orgasm that way, and it's harder to use your hands while you're having intercourse. But an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm and there is no reason to think that a "stomach orgasm" is any less valuable, pleasurable, reasonable or intense than an orgasm on your back.
Should you try to change the way your orgasm if the stomach is your preferred posture? Hmmm... tricky one to answer. If you feel like your orgasm is working for you (say, you can orgasm easily by positioning yourself above his knee or penis) or you and your partner are happy to give you an orgasm the way that is fun and easiest for you and it's fun for you both, then I say, why bother? You can try to learn to orgasm on your back, of course, but don't do it if it's stressful in any way or makes you feel bad about yourself. Learning to orgasm on your back will open up more options and that's great, but it's definitely not worth feeling bad about yourself or your orgasmic ability.
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|In This Issue|
|Which comes first, sex or your relationship?
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|Quote of the Month|
| "If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?"
|Why Women See Us|
|"I feared that it was the end of my marriage. I didn't know there was anything you could do about it."
"After my second child, I never got my libido back"
"I was never able to use tampons. What was wrong with me that I couldn't do the same things everyone else could?"
~ M, 29
|"It wasn't my marriage or my husband. I wasn't crazy, it was physical. What a relief! " ~L
"My mood and desire are enhanced. I am more optimistic and positive, and the best news is that my husband and I are having sex again."
"The entire treatment experience went smoothly and I never felt pressured to do anything I was uncomfortable doing. "
~ M, 29
"Going to the MCFS was one of the most important "gifts" I ever gave myself."
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