Probably the most common complaint we see at the Center is low desire. And no, honestly, it's not all 50+ year-olds complaining that their libido has taken a nose dive. We hear it from many women in their 30's and 40's, and we also see young women who feel that they have never really had much desire at all.
As a society we don't place enough importance on a woman's level of desire. The truth is it's not just about sex. When a woman's desire is low it often makes her feel sluggish and less alive.
When her desire is low it makes it hard for her to connect with her partner in a physical way and that can have many effects that ripple throughout the relationship.
It can have significant ramifications on her partner's feeling about her, about himself and his own desirability. It can significantly affect her feelings about her role in the relationship as well as the overall tone of the relationship itself.
Many women have said some version of the following:
"When I find his socks thrown on the floor... and we've just had great sex, I smile, scoop them up and dump them in the hamper. But when I find his socks thrown on the floor... and we've haven't had sex in a long time, I want to strangle him with them."
We live in a busy world and many of us lead complicated lives. That means most of us will have stress and anxiety, less-than-perfect relationships, and almost never enough time to relax and regroup.
This alone can wreak havoc on a woman's libido. Some of that we can control and some of that we can't. A healthy libido can usually weather the normal ups and downs of a crazy life and bounce back after a relatively short "shut-down."
But there are more complex reasons a woman suffers from a low libido. It can be influenced by physiological conditions in our bodies: hormone levels, vitamin deficiencies and neurotransmitter health.
It can be a symptom of depression. It can hint at thyroid problems or anemia. The bottom line is, for so many reasons, a low libido should be taken seriously and examined appropriately.
A smart approach to helping a woman reclaim her libido is to evaluate and address the issues on a number of different fronts. A physical work-up which allows a woman to address any physical deficiencies can be a powerful first step in helping to revive the libido.
And we have found that once the libido is stirred, even a little bit, it's easier for a woman to look at other emotional issues or behavioral solutions. And then, she's usually on her way.
Here's my message for this month: you don't have to live with low sexual desire if you don't want to - and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!
Reclaiming Desire, 4 Keys to Finding Your Libido, by Andrew Goldstein M.D. and Marianne Brandon, PhD.is a great book on understanding desire. The authors expand upon four general life influences that effect desire: physical health, emotional health, intellectual fulfillment, and spiritual beliefs and needs.
The Medical Center for Female Sexuality (MCFS) is one of the only treatment centers of its kind in the country. Using unique treatment programs, the MCFS has helped hundreds of women attain the wonderful feeling about themselves and their partners that comes with having a great sex life.
If you'd like to write an anonymous testimonial reflecting your experience at the Center, please feel free to send it to firstname.lastname@example.org
Help women like you have the courage to help themselves!
Another new staff member:
|Quote of the Month|
| "Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."
~ Robert Frost
|Why Women See Us|
|"I went into menopause abruptly at age 46 - my period disappeared and never returned. Even though I had once had a robust sex life, gradually I felt sexually numb, dry and neutered... It was upsetting but it seemed we would just have to accept it. Then one day I read an article about the Center for Female Sexuality in the New York Times... I felt, at last, maybe there is something I can do..."
Read the rest of this patient story
"I want to make sure you know that I feel very lucky to have found you guys and had an incredible experience working with you, Melissa, and Kathleen. You helped me with my problem like no one else could and I have already told several friends about my experience!"
"When I look back at my sex life 5 months ago, it makes my head spin. Frankly, I really didn't care about having sex... at all or ever again... ~C., 40
"Going to the MCFS was one of the most important "gifts" I ever gave myself."
~ A, 48
|Register for our Newsletter
Visit the MCFS Store
Read more Stories from Women