Center for Female Sexuality

The Medical Center for Female Sexuality

1) Sex toys are outlawed in India, yet are still widely available in that country.

2) In the U.S., sex toy sales are a $2 billion per year industry.

3) The olisbos, an early version of the dildo, was invented around 500 B.C.

4) Sex toys have become so mainstream that they are even available from Amazon. A search for sex toy on Google provides nearly 12 million results, and includes Wikipedia, NPR (National Public Radio), Wired, CNN and something called treehugger.com which is sponsored by Discovery Communications.

5) Sex toy parties are the new Tupperware parties. In 2006, there were more than 200,000 of these parties, bringing sex toys to a much wider female audience.

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The Medical Center for Female Sexuality (MCFS) is one of the only treatment centers of its kind in the country. Using unique treatment programs, the MCFS has helped hundred of women attain the wonderful feeling about themselves and their partners that comes with having a great sex life. If you would like additional information about the MCFS, you can call us at (914) 328-3700 in Westchester, or (646) 839-0700 in Manhattan or visit our Web site at

www.centerforfemalesexuality.com.

The development of sex toy parties and the legitimization of sex toy retailers demonstrate how sex toys have become acceptable for use, alone or in a relationship. Many women are curious about sex toys but are unsure where to start. We want to help.

This month's issue is all about sex toys. We talk a little bit about different types of sex toys and even provide tips for bringing sex toys into a relationship. We also provide 5 fun facts about sex toys.

Here with Sex for Women Today, we are bringing you an introduction to sex toys and information on how to start using them. Hopefully, after reading with us, you will be open to give them a try.

Thank you for reading with us!

Anne Young Albanese
Editor

That's bringing it up in conversation,

not raising it to be a good citizen

By, Bat Sheva Marcus, LMSW, MPH, PhD

Clinical Director of The Medical Center for Female Sexuality

So, you want to use a vibrator, but you're just not sure how to break the news to your husband? Boyfriend? Lover? I get this question in one form or another nearly every day or two. "Um.... Exactly how do I bring up the issue of a vibrator?? Do I say 'let's see honey. Today I did the shopping and the laundry and got a vibrator..."

So no, I guess. Trying to "sneak in" the vibrator suggests that a) you feel like there is something wrong with using a vibrator or b) that you are feeling defensive about using it.

Now, I know you may be embarrassed or uncomfortable about the idea of bringing a vibrator into your relationship. So here are some things you should bear in mind.

1) 50% of women have used a vibrator at one time or another.

2) Not an insignificant number of women can only have an orgasm using a vibrator. Others just prefer to use a vibrator for orgasms.

3) There is nothing "kinky" about using a vibrator.

4) Your partner is probably very open to the idea.

With this in mind, you can approach the subject: non-defensively and openly. Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone about an uncomfortable topic when you are not looking them directly in the eyes. While you are sitting next to each other in the car, curled up on the sofa, or cuddling up in bed are all good times. It probably is not a great idea to bring it up directly after having had sex because your partner may see it as implied criticism.

Then, the most direct route is probably the best: "Honey, I've been thinking that it might make sex better for me if we use a vibrator." Or "The more reading and research I've been doing the more I think it might make sex better for me if we use a vibrator." Or even "I just read this great newsletter on sex that suggested that a vibrator might make sex better for me." Be prepared to answer honestly when he asks you why. "It's getting harder to have orgasms and it's putting some stress on me. This may take the stress off." Or "I have stronger orgasms when I use the vibrator and I'd like that to happen when we are having sex." Or just plain "I think it would be easier to get turned on using the vibrator and if I get turned on easier I'll probably be more excited about having sex.

Finally, be prepared to explain that even if the vibrator helps you (or him) give you better orgasms, it is still no replacement for hugging and kissing, the feeling of a penis inside of you or the feeling of being loved.

Then, you have to be the one to pull out the vibrator and leave it next to the bed. Don't necessarily expect that one conversation will make him completely comfortable and don't assume that because he doesn't bring it up it means that he is opposed to the idea. Just take matters (or the vibrator) into your own hands and, as always, have fun!

The subject of sex toys is a huge topic. While we don't have the space to provide too much detail, we want to offer you a brief overview of the main categories of sex toys, particularly, those used by women. While we will discuss specific uses for these toys, remember, many of them can be combined or used interchangeably.

Vibrators: These are electronic toys that vibrate to stimulate a woman's clitoris. While they are often penis shaped, they do not have to be. They can be used either externally, directly on the clitoris, or can be inserted into the vagina. Our clinical director often recommends strong vibrators to patients who are having difficulty with orgasm.

Dildos: These are non-electronic, penis-shaped devices that are inserted into the vagina to simulate intercourse. These are used frequently by women who find intercourse sexually satisfying. Our health care staff often uses dildos as part of a treatment program for vaginismus.

Anal Toys: These are toys that either stimulate or are inserted in the anus. They can be dildo shaped; plug shaped or may resemble a chain of beads. Some are electronic, some are not. Many women find anal stimulation sexually stimulating and these toys often make it easier.

There are many other types of toys out there, but these three are a great starting point for a sex toy newcomer. Back in March, we published a story on places to buy a vibrator. Most of these retailers are also a great source for other sex toys. You can read the article here.