Women’s Sexual Health Newsletter

Why Wait?

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Wed, 01 Feb 12 06:49:18 -0600

By Bat Sheva Marcus, LMSW, MPH, PhD
Clinical Director at The Medical Center for Female Sexuality
Reprinted from August 2009 newsletter

The Medical Center for Female Sexuality

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Sun, 01 Jan 12 06:49:18 -0600

I know I have said it before but it bears repeating: many, many, many, many, many women have orgasms on their stomachs and not on their backs. Really? Really? Really and Truly? YES!

Happy Holidays from the Entire Staff at MCFS!

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Thu, 01 Dec 11 06:49:18 -0600

Yale University cancelled Sex Week. Well, they didn't actually cancel it, they merely told the organizers they could no longer use the Yale name or Yale funding. I thought this was pretty interesting not only because it's been a slow news week on the sex front (Herman Cain and the Penn State scandal not withstanding) but because I think perhaps it heralds a necessary pendulum swing in the way the academic community views sex.

Happy Birthday, Our Body Ourselves!

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Tue, 01 Nov 11 06:49:18 -0500

In the spring of 1969, a small group of women in Boston planted a seed of change toward the way we view women's health and well-being today. During discussions in a workshop on "women and their bodies," they found value in sharing information and feelings about themselves and their experiences with doctors - so much so, that they decided to keep meeting and talking.

National Breast Cancer Awareness Month - MCFS Newsletter

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Sat, 01 Oct 11 06:49:18 -0500

The National Breast Cancer Awareness Month (NBCAM) organization is a partnership of national public service organizations, professional medical associations, and government agencies working together to promote breast cancer awareness, share information on the disease, and provide greater access to screening services.

September is Menopause Awareness Month! - MCFS Newsletter

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Thu, 01 Sep 11 06:49:18 -0500

Did you know that September is "Menopause Month?" Okay, so honestly I find some of these "awareness months" hokey. And this is no exception. But it does seem like a good opportunity to spend some time talking about menopause and the impact it can have on your sex life. Here are the two most important messages for women about sex and menopause:

A Good Day at Our Center - MCFS Newsletter

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Mon, 01 Aug 11 06:49:18 -0500

Someone once asked me what makes a good day at our center.

Low Desire After Childbirth - MCFS Newsletter

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Fri, 01 Jul 11 06:49:18 -0500

Due to numerous requests, this entry is a reprint from the May, 2010 MCFS newsletter.

Female Sexual Dysfunction: Is it Real? - MCFS Newsletter

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Sun, 01 May 11 06:49:18 -0500

Though some critics disclaim the medical causes of the sexual difficulties, the many testimonials from women we've treated over the years defies this criticism. Our goal is to help women believe that these problems are not in their minds, and that the solution may be easier than they think!

Female Viagra - MCFS Newsletter

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Fri, 01 Apr 11 06:49:18 -0500

I'm always amused by the search for the female Viagra. Mostly because I'm not sure what the speaker means when he says a "female Viagra" and I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what he means either! Like the search for the Holy Grail, this mission is daunting.

Female Sexual Dysfunction and Sex Therapy - MCFS Newsletter

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Tue, 01 Mar 11 06:49:18 -0600

At the Center, we often explore a patient's sexual difficulties from a physiological standpoint. At the same time we use the psychosexual intake interview as a foundation for examining what else may be going on in a woman's relationship and sex life.

Weighing in on the documentary, Orgasm, Inc - MCFS Newsletter

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Tue, 01 Feb 11 06:49:18 -0600

Once upon a time people couldn't see. They bumped into walls, they had trouble reading, they saw double, they had horrible pain in their eyes and in the worst cases they went blind.

Low Desire: It's not All in your head! - MCFS Newsletter

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Sat, 01 Jan 11 06:49:18 -0600

Probably the most common complaint we see at the Center is low desire. And no, honestly, it's not all 50+ year-olds complaining that their libido has taken a nose dive. We hear it from many women in their 30's and 40's, and we also see young women who feel that they have never really had much desire at all.

MCFS Introduces Products for Women

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Wed, 01 Dec 10 06:49:18 -0600

After eleven years in practice serving women with sexual health and dysfunction, MCFS is offering products that have our patients have found useful over the years. You won't find thousands of products; just those that we know enhance and help. Please see some selections below and feel free to visit the MCFS shop on our homepage.

Media is Clumsy as it Takes on Women's Sexual Desire

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Wed, 01 Dec 10 06:49:18 -0600

Recently there were two news releases that made me think about how we as a society approach sexuality in a public forum.

Take Your Vitamins, Call Your Mom, Do Your Kegels!

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Mon, 01 Nov 10 06:49:18 -0500

We're not the first to tell you this, but Kegel exercises are really important. A Kegel is the name of a pelvic floor exercise, named after Dr. Arthur Kegel who created the exercise. Muscles attached to the pelvic bone, called PC muscles (for pubococcygeus) act like a hammock, holding in your pelvic organs. When these muscles are strong, everything inside is where it's supposed to be. And strong internal muscles help with incontinence, sexual activity and general urological and sexual well-being.

Sex Toys and Other Bad Words

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Fri, 01 Oct 10 06:49:18 -0500

The MCFS Website now has a new tab on it that says "MCFS Store." This links to a whole new area of our website that offers information and product recommendations for sex aids, books, videos and more. You can also purchase these items on these pages.

Menopause Month: Menopause and Sex - Medical Center for Female Sexuality

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Wed, 01 Sep 10 06:49:18 -0500

Sex and Intercourse Are Not Synonymous - Medical Center for Female Sexuality

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Sun, 01 Aug 10 06:49:18 -0500

Sex does not equal intercourse. Intercourse does not equal sex.

Debating Medicalization of Female Sexuality - Medical Center for Female Sexuality

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Thu, 01 Jul 10 06:49:18 -0500

I hope you'll forgive the lengthy perspective below, but this is an issue I am extremely passionate about- and more than a little!

Orgasm 101 - Medical Center for Female Sexuality

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Tue, 01 Jun 10 06:49:18 -0500

Most women ( hovering somewhere around 96%) can have orgasms. There is a direct correlation between ability to experience orgasm and sexual satisfaction (as most women who have them will generally assure you.) The corollary, that the inability to achieve orgasm lowers a woman's level sexual satisfaction, is also true.

Sex and Childbirth - Medical Center for Female Sexuality

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Sat, 01 May 10 06:49:18 -0500

You know you used to be into sex. Yes, that was you, not someone else. You remember thinking at one time, "Wow, this is great!" But it just doesn't seem to be happening that way anymore. Okay, you think, "So I had a baby (you fill in the blank: 6 months, year, 2 years, 4 years) ago. Shouldn't my desire for sex have come back? What's happening to me?" Indeed, what really is going on here?

Talking to Your Kids About Sex - Medical Center for Female Sexuality

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Thu, 01 Apr 10 06:49:18 -0500

Yes, I know. You'd rather go to the dentist.

How to find the right lubricant - Medical Center for Female Sexuality

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Mon, 01 Mar 10 06:49:18 -0600

There are as many different lubricants as there are types of ... shampoos. And like shampoos everyone ends up with their very own favorite. And never, ever, argue with a woman about why her favorite brand of shampoo is inferior to your favorite brand. Believe me, it will end up very ugly, quickly.

Botox and Vaginismus

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Mon, 01 Feb 10 06:49:18 -0600

Our team just went up to New Hampshire to learn a new treatment for severe vaginismus from a wonderful Doctor. He (and his caring staff) have developed a procedure which uses general anesthesia and Botox in order to help women over the first, most frightening hurdle of treatment.Vaginismus is a condition where a woman experiences extreme pain if she tries to insert anything into her vagina. Some women who suffer from Vaginismus tolerate a penis in the vagina for very short periods, but it's unpleasant and painful. Others cannot even touch the area around the vagina, can't have a gynecological exam and can't insert a tampon.

Understanding Men

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Fri, 01 Jan 10 06:49:18 -0600

Let's take it easy on the men in our lives.

New Years Resolutions

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Tue, 01 Dec 09 06:49:18 -0600

I'm not going to belabor the point: we all know we put things off that we need to do, and that everyone else's issues seem to come first in our lives.

The Case for Vibrators

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Sun, 01 Nov 09 06:49:18 -0600

Vibrators have taken a bad rap. Although perhaps the most useful tool in a sexual arsenal, vibrators have been relegated to the sidelines. Is it because sometimes women think of them as "kinky?" Is it because women are afraid that the use of a vibrator will make their partners feel inadequate? Is it because women feel like there is something wrong with them if they use a vibrator? Is it because they are afraid they will become dependant on a vibrator?

The reality is that vibrators are not "kinky," (whatever kinky is... frankly I haven't heard a great definition for it, mostly it seems to be a word used for something you haven't really tried yet) and there is nothing "wrong" with a woman who uses one. Vibrators aren't just for masturbation; they are often used in partner sex as well, either before intercourse, after intercourse or instead of intercourse.

The bottom line is that a vibrator, either electric or battery operated, internal or external (and we'll get into the different types and how to choose them in another article,) can give a longer, stronger level of stimulation than a hand, a mouth or a penis can. As a result they make having orgasms so much easier and in many cases more intense. They also may make it possible for many women to have more than one orgasm.

For some women a vibrator is just necessary. As they get older it becomes harder to have an orgasm and the vibrator makes it easier (or possible.) Because having an orgasm is so much easier for them, many women in this situation talk about how "it takes the stress out." Some of them describe a situation where during sex they had been so focused on "getting to the orgasm" and "what happens if I don't have one?" that it had taken the fun out of sex and the vibrator let them relax and enjoy themselves.

For some woman a vibrator is not necessary, it's just easier and faster and for whatever reason easier and faster may be important at this time in their life. (Ever try having sex after you put your 2 year old to bed and before your newborn wakes up for a feeding? Trust me, it gives new meaning to the term "quicky") Finally for some women a vibrator is just plain fun.

So if you think you fall into any one of these categories, go back and dust off your old vibrator. Or go find yourself a new one, and have fun!!

Chicken or the egg: Good Relationship, Good Sex - or visa versa?

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Tue, 01 Sep 09 06:49:18 -0500

Recently there was an article in the Times Online about how marriages with good sex tend to be happier marriages. This really just confirmed what so many of us in the field already know: sex affects a marriage - big time. But the interesting question really is: does a good sex life improve a relationship or does a better relationship encourage a good sex life?

Why Wait?

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Sat, 01 Aug 09 06:49:18 -0500

So many women I see have waited a very long time to make an appointment and get help. It makes me sad because often the wait has done severe damage to themselves, their self -esteem and their relationships. And, ironically, the solution is often not all that complicated.

So why is it that so many women wait so long to get help? Over the years we've asked patients and although there are many answers, the following four seem to come up all the time.

It's just plain uncomfortable. Let's face it, most women have a hard time seeing themselves sitting in a room giving graphic (or even not-so-graphic) details of what is going on (or not going on) with their sex life. Often women think it will be significantly more uncomfortable than it turns out to be. I hear that again and again : "Oh, this was so much easier than I expected it to be!" But the anticipation can be scary for many women and the trick is to realize the fear is worse than the actual appointment!

There really isn't a solution. Countless women seem to believe that their problem is unique and unsolvable.

"How can you possibly help me become interested in sex again?"
"How can it be that you can restore my orgasms to what they used to be?"
"I don't believe anyone can help me enjoy intercourse."

These are such common misconceptions that it is hard for anyone to realize that these problems are way more common than you think and, yes indeed, there are real solutions.

The usual suspects. Women are afraid that they are going to get "easy, unhelpful" answers. (You know, the kind you see in women's magazines every month.) I will never forget the woman who sobbed violently in my office when we met for the first time. I had told her there sounded like there were a number of contributing factors to her problems and that there could be significant physiological contributors. "I thought, "she said through her tears, "I thought you were just going to tell me to go out and buy sexy lingerie and make more alone time with my husband. I just couldn't bear that... I tried those things already."

Who, me? Women are hesitant to spend money on themselves. Many women will not hesitate to spend money on solving problems for their children or spouses but feel guilty spending it on themselves for something medical that isn't life threatening. I have news for you. Sexual dysfunction may not be life threatening but it is life altering. We have seen patients blossom, come out of depression; learn to speak up for themselves. We have seen couples go from constant fighting or from heart-breaking distance to reconnecting as a couple and enjoying life with each other again. So don't feel guilty. You're doing this for your significant other, for your whole family and the changes it may make to your life will reach much further than just the bedroom.

You've heard me say it before. I am going to say it again. Don't put it off. You owe it to yourself and to your partner to get help if you have not been able to improve things through your own hard work. Sometimes a little professional help can make a huge difference in the bedroom.

Fantasies...Fantasies...Fantasies...

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Wed, 01 Apr 09 06:49:18 -0500

My Dear Reader, It is finally springtime and thoughts turn to love and lust and sex, right? Your thoughts may not always be based in reality and as a matter of fact, may be complete fantasies! That is what this month's newsletter is about - your sexual fantasies.
According to askmen.com, some of the top female fantasies include: 1. Having a three way with you and two men, 2. Being dominated by him, 3. Performing erotic dance for your lover, 4. Having sex with a stranger, 5. Role playing, especially a teacher/student scenario. Do any of these sound good to you? If not, make up your own fantasy! Read an erotic book to get some ideas, or watch a seductive movie. Don't take yourself too seriously and have fun!

If you have any suggestions for future subjects in this newsletter, I would love to hear them. You can email me at kathy@centerforfemalesexuality.com or just hit reply to this email.

How to Find a Lubricant

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director — Sun, 01 Mar 09 06:49:18 -0600

My Dear Reader,
What with all the awful news out there these days - unemployment, foreclosures, recession - this is the perfect time to spend more time at home in bed with someone you like to be naked with. Sex is certainly an inexpensive way to entertain yourselves. So, instead of spending money going out to dinner or the movies, stay home and find some new ways to satisfy each other. You might even want to bring some toys or lubricants into the picture. This month we are providing you with everything you ever wanted to know about lubricants - what they are, how to find them and how to use them. Additionally, we are pleased to announce our new Seminars on Female Sexuality. If you live in the New York metropolitan area, you may have the opportunity to host one of these seminars in your home. See the article on the left for more information. We are hoping to have these seminars available in other areas of the country soon and we will let you know when we do.

Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MpH, PhD, Clinical Director