Posts Tagged ‘vibrator’

Sex and the Vibrator Movie

Tuesday, September 6th, 2011 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

I admit it. I have been waiting all my life (okay, maybe just the last 10 years) for someone to make a quality film about the incredibly interesting history of vibrators. Really. I’m not kidding.

And finally, someone is doing it. (Well, I can’t actually vouch that it’s quality, but it is a real film). Maggie Gyllenhaal, the beautiful, feisty, funny and sexy chick from Secretary (another blog post on the feminist aspects of BDSM in the future, I promise) is going ahead and starring in a movie called Hysteria, about vibrators. Imagine a rom-com about the vibrator history. Someone order the popcorn! http://www.aceshowbiz.com/news/view/w0005673.html

So why do I feel like somehow the world is really not complete without a movie about vibrators? Because in my heart of hearts I believe that the vibrator is to the over-30 clitoris what eyeglasses are to over 15-year-old eyes. They can change your life. They make things easier, clearer and more beautiful.

Here’s the real deal. We live in a ridiculously androcentric sexual universe. Put another way, we have allowed men and the media to define sex as vaginal intercourse. If you asked a typical person on the street (male or female) to tell you what the basic requirement or ingredients of “sex” are, no doubt you’d hear something like “man put penis in vagina. Man ejaculates.” Hmmmm… Why would the answer not be “partner massages vulva and clitoris until the women reaches orgasm.” But let’s just be honest, one in 1000 people would answer that way and the one person would probably turn out to be me, a member of our staff or my family. No one answers that way! Worse, no one thinks that way.

So, if say, we were to flip that way of thinking onto its head and suggest that perhaps a woman’s orgasm should be an actual primary component of our sexual definition, well then that changes the equation – totally.  Intercourse is, without question, one of the least efficient and effective means of women achieving orgasm. 33.3 percent (that’s 3/10 women for those of you with math challenges) actually can have an orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Compare that statistic to 96.5%… the number of women who can achieve orgasm with a vibrator.

So, if you were a professional dealing with that statistic daily, wouldn’t you want there to be more understanding, acceptance, and use of perhaps the best invention since the light bulb?

Perhaps a mainstream movie might accomplish what is so hard for so many of us professionally in the field. Perhaps there will be just a little nudge in the direction of understanding and accepting female sexuality in all its complicated and misunderstood glory.

I’ve Been Converted

Friday, August 5th, 2011 by Barbara Gross, LMSW

At the Medical Center I recently saw a patient who had rarely used vibrators. She came to see us to try to improve her orgasms, which had become weaker and taking her longer to achieve.  We often see this in women as they age; sometimes it is a shift in hormones, which we can address, and sometimes a woman just needs more intense stimulation. This particular woman had never had any difficulty having orgasms before, so understandably she was distraught.  We have several treatments for this issue, one of which is a vibrator.

If we feel a vibrator is needed, we generally select a few vibrators we think would best suit the patient and allow them to try them while in our office. We have many types to choose from:  small, large, internal and external, for individual use and some for use with a partner. I chose a few and set her up in the exam room. Women generally try a few and then turn on a light in the exam room to let us know when they are done.

I will never forget her face when I came back to get her.

She shook my hand repeatedly and kept saying, “Thank you!”.  I have certainly heard this from women who have never had orgasms before and suddenly have one with a strong vibrator, but this was something different. And what was different was that she said, ” I have been converted!”. She said that she had tried one or two vibrators in her life, but she had never really been into using one. But there were several she tried with us that were both fun and made her feel even better!

The great thing about one’s sexuality is that it is constantly changing. As we age our bodies change. Our desire, fantasies and lives change so it makes perfect sense that what might have turned you on at one point doesn’t anymore. It  is great to offer women new and different ways to experience pleasure, even ways that they had tried previously and never enjoyed. Be open and try new things…you never know what you might find.

Apology Letter to a Vibrator

Monday, March 1st, 2010 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, PhD

Dear Vibrator,

I am so sorry.  I placed you in a drawer months ago and have not sought you out since.  Please understand, though I enjoyed you, I got nervous that this may be the only way I can orgasm.  My orgasms with you were intense and powerful and would occur like clock-work 10 minutes into vibrations.  I enjoyed them so much.  I guess I started to feel bad that I was enjoying my orgasms this much with something so artificial.  I became embarrassed.  I wouldn’t even tell my husband that I was using it; I didn’t want him knowing I was using a sex toy.  It was a shame too,  because there were so many ways I could have used you to help me orgasm during sex with him!  Again, I was embarrassed.  So now it is six months later.  It takes me much longer to orgasm using my hand and because of that I’ve kind of lost interest!  Did I really forgo all of that pleasure because of embarrassment?  Is not having orgasms a better alternative than having one with you? 

Recently, I went to the medical center for female sexuality about this orgasm issue.  The women there were very open, positive and non-judgmental.  They were very encouraging about using vibrators, especially during intercourse.  They helped me to realize this can be part of a healthy sex life and that my partner might actually like it too!  They had lots of vibrators to show me so I could touch them and see how they worked.  I couldn’t believe the variety.  So I bought one and decided to try again!

So vibrator, I am writing this to let you know I am sorry for treating you the way I did, and I promise to take you out from time to time and have you play with my husband and I.  Also, to let you know, now you have some competition!

Thank you for the good times and the times that are ahead of us.

Yours truly,

A satisfied customer.

using a vibrator — when you're having sex with your partner!

Wednesday, February 18th, 2009 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

Often I have patients who have trouble having orgasms. Sometimes they are women who are going through menopause or are getting older and they’re just having a harder time “getting there.” Sometimes they are women who always  just had a harder time reaching orgasm. Either way, a vibrator makes their life wayyyyy easier and often gives them stronger orgasms.

“Okay then,” I say. “So you use the vibrator when you’re having sex with your partner, right?”  Hun? They looks at me kind of blankly. Apparently, it never occurred to them.

So here’s some advice: If you are in that category of women, USE THE VIBRATOR WHEN YOU’RE HAVING SEX WITH YOUR PARTNER. It will make the sex more fun, less stressful (no more worry,) your partner won’t have to “work so hard,” you won’t feel so guilty for making your partner “work so hard,” and your orgasms will probably be stronger.

And please, please don’t tell me that a vibrator is “unnatural.” Phooey! So is the electric light bulb. We don’t live our lives by candlelight in an attempt to “remain natural.” Do yourself a favor…. USE THE VIBRATOR IF YOU LIKE IT.  There is nothing wrong with you!!

Find your Clitoris

Monday, March 17th, 2008 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

I was having a conversation with a 72 year olf friend of mine. Me: “So, you never thanked me for that vibrator I sent you.” She:”I had no idea what to do with it.” Me: “hey, I sent it with that great book Sex For One” (the book’s by Betty Dodson, in case any of you want to look for it.) She: “Now how am I supposed to get that big thing inside of me.” Me: (slightly horrified)”Sweetheart, it’s not meant to go inside of you!” (I had given her the Hitachi Magic Wand — for those of you who have seen it, it looks like a BIG microphone for singing divas.) “You’re supposed to put it on your clitoris.” She: “Well how am I supposed to put on it, without going insided.” Me: “Uh… here, let’s pull out a picture.” I was dumbfounded… and maybe a more apt word would be “dumb” — why, oh why, did I assume that just because someone is 72 they know where their clitoris is!!

We need pictures. We need education. We need girlfriends!