Posts Tagged ‘sex therapy’

Libido flip-flop

Friday, April 9th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

This entry was written recently by a patient at MCFS following six months of treatment for low desire.  Her previous entry, written after her second appointment last October, was posted on April 5th.

Last night I kissed my husband’s ear and he did not move. He wasn’t in the mood and I was!

For some people this would be frustrating. For me it was amazing! Finally, our sex life is equal. We have an equal investment in pleasuring each other.  With almost equal interest in sex – it is no longer just about his needs and my succumbing (reluctantly). The mere fact that I was interested did change his mind, and a wonderful evening ensued, but it was a pivotal moment for us.  The last few months have changed our, and my, life. God had given the world the gift of sexuality and pleasure, and it was a gift that I never received, never really understood. I now know that I was missing out on huge piece of the beauty that exists in this world and missing out on a more meaningful and spiritual connection with my husband. I am eternally grateful to the MCFS for helping me find this gift.

Why I’m Not as Crazy as I Thought

Monday, April 5th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

The following is a blog entry written by a patient at MCFS.  Later this week we will post another entry by the same patient, reporting on her progress.  This was written in October 2009

For about 14 years now I have been told constantly that things are in my head. Stomach cramps-must be stress, acne- must be stress, extreme exhaustion-stress, canker sores- stress, breathing issues- stress, and most recently, no interest in sex - stress and depression. 

But recentl, for the first time in my life, someone found a real reason something was going wrong.  And I could not be happier. 

My life in general is amazing. I have a loving doting husband, two beautiful children, a wonderful home, and a fine job. And yet, depression, being overweight, exhaustion and a low sex drive have plagued my life. With some strong encouragement from my husband, who is tired of feeling physically and sexually rejected, I went to the Medical Center for Female Sexuality.  And,  for the first time, someone checked my hormone levels. No one before had ever thought to stick a needle in my arm and actually see what was going on in there. They just made me pop pills and sit in front of therapists and talk and talk and talk. None of which did much except put band-aids over the problems and cause me to doubt myself more and more. With each passing day I would feel less competent, less self-confident, and more sure that I was just crazy, that many of the simple pleasures in life were out of my grasp and this was my destiny.

But yesterday that all changed.

Yesterday 2 doctors sat me down and showed me my lab results. My hormones are a mess. My thyroid is inactive and I have almost no testosterone. There is something wrong with me! I cried the whole way home for the office, grateful to God that there is an end in sight.

The journey ahead will be difficult, hormone therapy will be tough and I’m not so excited about the potential side effects. But it will all be worth it.

Apology Letter to a Vibrator

Monday, March 1st, 2010 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, PhD

Dear Vibrator,

I am so sorry.  I placed you in a drawer months ago and have not sought you out since.  Please understand, though I enjoyed you, I got nervous that this may be the only way I can orgasm.  My orgasms with you were intense and powerful and would occur like clock-work 10 minutes into vibrations.  I enjoyed them so much.  I guess I started to feel bad that I was enjoying my orgasms this much with something so artificial.  I became embarrassed.  I wouldn’t even tell my husband that I was using it; I didn’t want him knowing I was using a sex toy.  It was a shame too,  because there were so many ways I could have used you to help me orgasm during sex with him!  Again, I was embarrassed.  So now it is six months later.  It takes me much longer to orgasm using my hand and because of that I’ve kind of lost interest!  Did I really forgo all of that pleasure because of embarrassment?  Is not having orgasms a better alternative than having one with you? 

Recently, I went to the medical center for female sexuality about this orgasm issue.  The women there were very open, positive and non-judgmental.  They were very encouraging about using vibrators, especially during intercourse.  They helped me to realize this can be part of a healthy sex life and that my partner might actually like it too!  They had lots of vibrators to show me so I could touch them and see how they worked.  I couldn’t believe the variety.  So I bought one and decided to try again!

So vibrator, I am writing this to let you know I am sorry for treating you the way I did, and I promise to take you out from time to time and have you play with my husband and I.  Also, to let you know, now you have some competition!

Thank you for the good times and the times that are ahead of us.

Yours truly,

A satisfied customer.

Tiger Woods and Sex…

Saturday, January 16th, 2010 by Dr. Neil Cannon

It was only a matter of time before Tiger ended up in rehab for “sex addiction.”  I’ve been predicting this scenario publicly since November.  It appears that Tiger is now at Pine Grove Behavioral Health and Addiction Services in Mississippi, not South Africa as originally reported.  I would like to dispel a common myth among women who have been cheated on.  Men don’t cheat because of your appearance. Trust me, Tiger’s admitted “transgressions” didn’t have anything to do with Elin’s looks!  Infidelity is about unfulfilled needs, low self esteem, compulsivity, irresponsibility and a low emotional IQ.  Cheating can be about getting even and a lot of other things including narcissism which raises a lot of questions about Tiger.  If you would like to read more about the impact of “sex addiction” and infidelity, you might enjoy an article I was interviewed for by the leading women’s magazine, “She Knows”.  http://www.sheknows.com/articles/812944

The frustration of Sex Therapy.

Friday, January 15th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

I had a patient yesterday who has zero sex drive. Zero. She has never masturbated. She has never fantasized. She has never been turned on as far as she can tell. She is sad and frustrated and it is effecting her marriage.

She spent the last two years on sex therapy. The first year was with a sex therapist who spend the entire time having her discuss the fact that she was raised by a step father, a warm, nurturing man and the only one she ever knew as a father since he married her mother when she was pregnant. Not surprisingly this didn’t help her sex drive a whole lot.

The second sex therapist did similarly. But they also spend a great deal of time talking about a dentist who paid too much attention to her and  kissed her on the cheek when she was 15. This didn’t seem to affect her sex drive much either.

 ENOUGH.  At some point we need to get smarter about the time  (and money) we are spending  on therapy.

Consider the following possibilities:  Perhaps some problems have a physical component. Maybe some are genetic. Some problems simply cannot be helped. Spending time in sex therapy grasping at straws because the therapist needs something to address,  is not only useless but detrimental to patients. If you consider these likely possibilities and their relatively direct treatments, you will be a wise consumer and an educated patient. You know if you are being helped. If you are not, stop.

Sex Week at UMDNJ – 2010

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, PhD

This past week, the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey held its 37th annual human sexuality program for second year medical students.  This program offers large group lectures, panelists, workshops and small group debriefings surrounding various issues in sexuality.  Future doctors are exposed to a variety of information on sexuality and learn how to be accepting and non-judgmental of people’s sexual practices.  Students practice giving sexual histories and learn how to be sensitive and aware of spectrums of sexuality.

This January program included many sexuality professionals with different backgrounds such as  medical doctors, sexuality counselors, sex therapists, sex educators and social workers to name a few.  For the second year in a row, the program was fortunate to have three representatives from the Medical Center to present on sexual dysfunction.  Dr. Michael Werner gave an intriguing lecture on male sexual dysfunction and Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus opened up the students’ eyes to many issues women face when dealing with sexual dysfunction.  Dr. Shannon Bertha served as the program coordinator as well as the opening lecturer on “Normative Sexual Behaviors”.

It is beneficial for students to learn from practitioners in the field using specific case histories that we encounter.  Many students expressed support for such a program, one that had a completely professional focus where they could interact with other future clinicians on the complex issues of sex and sexual dysfunction.  Many were happy to know there are clinicians in practice who focus solely on women’s sexuality including sexual health and pleasure.

In sex therapy and treatment, sometimes just talking helps

Wednesday, December 9th, 2009 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

I’m often struck, when first meeting with patients, how much help they get just by talking. During the first appointment, when I get a history I feel like patients relax so much. It’s like they finally had a chance to tell the truth (sometimes for the first time) to someone who doesn’t judge, doesn’t think they are strange and perhaps, for the first time, makes them feel like their concerns, habits, fears, likes and dislikes are “perfectly normal.”

In many cases, the stories patients are sharing with me, (how they masturbate, their preferred means of having sex, their “fetishes,”) are really quite common.

Then there are patients who tell me less usual stories or preferences. Again, they are often so very embarrassed about things which are not harmful and provide a source of pleasure to them.

I hope, as women explore their own sexual health, they come to believe and understand that there is just no “right” way to go about having sex!

www.centerforfemalesexuality.com

Is Sex Therapy Psychological or Physical? Yes!

Friday, December 4th, 2009 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

 Often sexual problems are the result of both physical obstacles and emotional issues. Before committing to sex therapy to uncover the causes and stresses connected to sexual dysfunction, you may want to rule out any physical conditions that can be treated with relative ease and in a short time period.

In recent years, research into the area of female sexuality has become more focused. We are beginning to understand the complicated physiology of blood vessels and nerves in the pelvis and how surgeries, childbirth, illnesses, medications, hormonal changes and aging may affect a woman’s sexual experience.

When these conditions exist, in conjunction against the emotional backdrop change (marriage, childbirth, menopause or other lifestage developments), only an integrated approach to diagnosis and treatment will be successful.

So, yes.  Read more information on our full website: www.centerforfemalesexuality.com

Yet another reason for women to be fit…

Sunday, July 26th, 2009 by Dr. Neil Cannon

Overweight women should know that your oral contraceptive may take longer to become effective.  A new study recently published in the Journal of Contraception found that oral contraceptives for woman who are overweight can take twice as long to become effective.  Most drug tests are not tested on people who are obese and so body size is often ignored.  The study which was conducted by scientists from Colorado, Oregon and Southern California found that it took approximately 10 days for oral contraceptives to be effective in obese women versus 5 days for women with a Body Mass Index less than 35.  This is something to be aware of and talk to your physician about….

If all roads lead to Rome, in sex therapy all roads lead to shame…

Saturday, February 28th, 2009 by Dr. Neil Cannon

Guilt is feeling bad for what we did, i.e., “I had unprotected sex.” Shame is feeling bad for who we are, i.e., “I’m a slut.” Shame is that inner voice that says, “I’m not good enough.” For many people shame becomes the core belief of who we are and eats away at the deepest part of our soul. The roots of shame are often found in childhood events, a rigid religious upbringing, or traumatic events like rape. For people who have been abused or traumatized there are often feelings of self blame, i.e., “It’s my fault. I’m no good or I wouldn’t have been treated so badly.” There is no cookie cutter formula for treating shame but overcoming it is possible and life changing. If you feel bad about who you are, today might be a good day to start the healing process. There is always hope, potential and possibility. Sometimes we just need a little help to see the bright light shining at the end of the tunnel. www.doctorcannon.com