Posts Tagged ‘sex life’

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Fighting For Sexual Freedom

Monday, February 21st, 2011 by Barbara Gross, LMSW

Fighting for Sexual Freedom

I read an article a few weeks ago in the New York Times that has really stayed with me. It is about Eve Ensler’s center for female leadership  in the Congo, called City of Joy. I first heard about playwright Eve Ensler, when I read her most well-known  play the Vagina Monologues. This is a powerful   piece of writing  that changed the way many women view their anatomy.  Ensler has continued to inspire and educate women through her  advocacy group V-Day.

She recently opened a center in Bukavu in the Congo to educate and empower women and to stop the wide spread sexual violence that has ravaged that country.  I found this article very inspiring and I think you will too.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/07/world/africa/07congo.html?_r=1&scp=2&sq=eve%20ensler&st=cse

I have always been passionate about women’s sexual health and at the Center we are committed to helping women lead sexually fulfulling lives.  I would also recommend Eve Ensler’s book The Vagina Monologues. It is a quick, fun read. Enjoy!

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The Chemistry of Desire

Monday, February 14th, 2011 by Barbara Gross, LMSW

The Chemistry of Desire

In her book, “Why We Love, The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love”, Helen Fisher,  talks about the neuroscience of attraction.   “Romantic love is associated with elevated levels of Dopamine and/or norepinephrine”. When dopamine is circulating in the brain, “it produces focused attention, as well as fierce energy, concentrated motivation to attain rewards, and feelings of elation, even mania-the core feelings of romantic love.”

These chemical reactions can make love and attraction addictive. We feverishly seek someone out and we need to have them respond or we get despondent. It’s all chemical! Not really, but a big part of it can be. This is why the first six months of a relationship may be particularly hot and why sometimes after that period the relationship and the sex may not be quite as exciting.   Drops in these chemicals and others like testosterone, which dramatically affect sex drive, can profoundly affect  how we feel about ourselves, our partners and our desire to have sex.

In my practice at the Medical Center, I have often heard women describe the beginning of a relationship as filled with excitement and  great sex.   This makes perfect sense.  In the beginning of a relationship things are new and that literally creates certain chemicals in our brains. However after that initial period, the chemicals may dip, and then we have people wondering how do they get that feeling back!  Of course there is no miracle pill to get it back and most people end up feeling miserable jumping from relationship to relationship to maintain that chemical high. The answer is that sexuality is complicated.  Chemistry is a only one powerful part of attraction and arousal.  We have to look all apects of an individual to figure out what is operating. However,  if you are wondering why you don’t feel as you did in the beginning of your relationship,  it is certainly helpful to keep this chemical piece in mind.

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Empathy Can Improve Your Sex Life

Monday, January 31st, 2011 by Barbara Gross, LMSW

Empathy Can Improve  your Sex Life

Barbara Gross, LMSW

Empathy is the most fundamental building block of any relationship.

The concept is that if you are able to think about your partner and what they are thinking and feeling, it may make you feel more connected to him or her.  It may take some practice.  It requires a bit of focus to think about things from his/her perspective. It also does not mean that you should negate your own feelings. It is about understanding yourself and your partner better. If you feel more compassion for your partner and he does for you, you may feel more sexual.  There is generally a myriad of things affecting one’s desire, however with increased empathy you and your partner may be better able to problem solve together. This is of course not always the case, frequently when your desire dips and you are feeling pressured to have sex, it may be very difficult to imagine the whole experience from your partners point of view. This web of feelings is complicated, however with time and practice, empathy is certainly something you can get better at it.

This does not only apply to sex, it applies to relationships in general. When we are in the midst of our lives, it is sometimes difficult to access empathy for our partner.  You may feel alone in coping with your life. However, it will probably benefit you to share your struggles so that your partner can have more empathy and understanding for you.  I find increasing your empathy can go a long way towards building understanding and connection between you and your partner.

This idea is discussed at length in the book Hold Me Tight, by Sue Johnson. She discusses how to improve your communication and connection by building empathy.  She suggests  having a series of guided conversations. She believes that by exploring the patterns of connection that you and your partner have established, you can gain insight and resolve some of the difficulties that may be troubling you.

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Our Patients Say: Don’t Give Up on Your Sex Life!

Monday, December 20th, 2010 by Tara Ford, RPA-C

I’d like to thank the patients that have allowed me to “shadow” their visits as part of my training. I realize it takes a lot of courage to seek help for any medical problem; however, it takes an extra dose of courage to seek help for problems related to sex.  I know many of you reading this have already been told by others that your problem is “all in your head”, that you should “just relax”, that it’s “normal for sex to hurt” or that “sex isn’t that important after all!”

Perhaps you haven’t reached out to anyone regarding your problem; perhaps you’re feeling embarrassed or ashamed to talk to your friends or health care practitioner. Perhaps you have been dealing with a problem for such a long time that you have no idea where to start and believe it’s too late to be helped.

Well, the one thing I have learned from listening to our patients is that it’s NEVER TOO LATE to get the help you need! Whether you’ve been suffering with a problem for several months or it has been several decades, the time is NOW to get the help you need. The majority of new patients that I have seen have told me that once they found out about MCFS they still waited 2 or more years before making an appointment!  When I asked them why they waited so long the responses were all along the same line:  fear, shame, embarrassment. And after their first appointment each one said, “I wish I didn’t wait so long!”

As the New Year approaches, do yourself a favor and make your sexual health a priority. You will find a group of caring, empathetic, open-minded professionals here that are sincerely dedicated to improving your sexual health.  And please remember, no matter what your problem is and no matter how long you’ve had it, IT’S NEVER TOO LATE!

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Sexual Health Web Seminar

Thursday, October 14th, 2010 by Ilene Rosenthal, Marketing

Join Us for a Live Sexual Health Web Seminar!

Our very own Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh Sexual Health Therapist - Dr. Sara Nasserzadehwill participate in a web panel on a topic of interest to many of us: Sex after 35!

To participate in the sexual health discussion, all you have to do is enter your email to the form on our site and you will be given access to the online conversation. You can even send specific questions in advance after registering.

The web seminar is taking place on Monday October 18, 2010 at 8:00PM EDT in NYC and will be simultaneously live streamed on the web.

You are free to watch quietly from your home, or participate through chat or phone.

Participate in the Sexual Health Web Seminar

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Holiday Sex: It’s good for you!

Thursday, December 24th, 2009 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

Round and around we go arguing whether having a lot of sex makes you healthier or being healthier make you have more sex.  As usual I’m going to argue that it’s a little bit of both! If you feel healthy and fit (no matter your age or weight) you’ll be likely to have better sex. And having more frequent and better sex has proven to be beneficial in so many ways. You know how it is, no matter how thin or “in shape” you are, if you just plowed your way through a bag of chips and washed it down with soda, you probably will not feel sexy – (you may feel bloated and greasy, but probably not sexy.) On the other hand if you’ve just come from a day or two of eating well and getting some exercise, even if you haven’t fulfilled your fitness goals, you probably will feel healthy and much more interested in a romp with your partner.  So if you’re at a holiday party this week, see if it helps to ask yourself if you’d rather eat that… whatever it is… or you’d rather feel like peeling off your clothes and going for it when you get home. Click here to read more. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34514075/ns/health-sexual_health/

And happy holidays.

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And the Survey Says……Sex!

Friday, October 2nd, 2009 by Ilene Rosenthal, Marketing

Why is it that we need a survey to prove that women are interested in sex?  And when we get the data, why is everyone so surprised at the results??

 A new online survey asked 500 women aged 35 to 49 about their interest in sex, and whaddaya know, 76% of women are “interested in maintaining a healthy sex life” and about 50% declare they “initiate sex with their partner.”

 Among respondants, 35% say sex improves with age and experience, and half of the women surveyed said that they have sex once a week or more.

 It’s not entirely surprising that this study is getting press.  The ‘middle aged’ woman who’s the CEO of a fragmented and unpredictable corporation called her family may be perceived as too busy, exhausted, or just generally distracted to be interested in intimacy.

There’s no arguing: the business of feeding, clothing and educating her children while cooking, cleaning and holding down a job is unimaginable sometimes.  But we also know from the women who come to the Center that a robust sex life can be an antidote to all that work; it can help let a little air out of the balloon of our full life and, like a sigh, allow us to enjoy ourselves, and the partners we love.

 In fact, the longer we are with our partners, the more comfortable we may feel, and the more we may be ok with asking for some sexual attention when we need it.

 Of course, we see many women who are not part of the 50% that have sex once a week, and who do not initiate sex, either because they don’t feel the desire, or because it hurts to have sex.  Well, that’s our work.  Data like this is an inspiration, even if it’s not a surprise.

 The survey was sponsored by Teva Women’s Health, the manufacturer of the ParaGard Intrauterine Copper Contraceptive.

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Transexuality: Is our sexuality hard wired?

Friday, August 1st, 2008 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

There is always so much debate on whether or not our sexual identity is “nature”  or “nurture.” As in most cases, there’s probably an awful lot of of both but this article certainly suggests that a predilection to  ”transexuality, ” that is, feeling as though your are a certain sex in the wrong body may be hard wired into our system. Thanks to Felix from The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality for bringing this to my attention!

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Why not talking about sex is not so good…

Thursday, May 1st, 2008 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

The most interesting thing about the fact that people are unwilling to talk about sex is that it distorts our view. With no basis for comparison, we assume that what we do is “normal,” anyone who does stuff that’s more adventurous is “kinky” and anyone who isn’t comfortable with what we do is “repressed.” Can you imagine if we made that same assumption about eating because no one knew, how, when, where or what anyone else ate? The truth is that if everyone was more comfortable talking about sex what you’d realize pretty quickly is that there is a wide, wide range of sexual activities and pretty much everyone has some company for their likes and preferences. So go ahead. Ask your best friend about her sex life. You’d be surprised what you learn!

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Viagra Celebrates 10 Years

Wednesday, March 26th, 2008 by Ilene Rosenthal, Marketing

Viagra has been around for 10 years.  The NY Daily News did a great article today on the anniversary of Viagra.  In the article, the reporter quoted two of the experts from our blog: Michael A. Werner, MD, FACS , a specialist in sexual dysfunction and Bat Sheva Marcus, LMSW, MPH, PhD, clinical director of The Medical Center for Female Sexuality.

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