Okay, now I finished the book so I feel qualified to give it bona fide “thumbs down.” Maybe if the title of the book had been “A book about why we hate porn, why all porn in all situations is bad and why we think it is the root of anything bad in a relationship,” I could give it a thumbs up. Then at least the book would be what it claimed to be rather than what I thought it would be: a treatment plan or even just a helpful outline for those who are addicted to porn.

The book goes to ridiculous lengths to vilify porn. The marriage that fell apart because the wife found her husband looking at porn. Now she doesn’t “trust” him, even though there was no indication that he was hiding it or in anyway addicted to it. Please. Maybe rather than suggest he never look at porn again, they could discuss it, he could limit it, she could learn to live with it, they could use it together… hmmm. Any of these options occur to the writers???

And I was especially incensed at their implicit (or maybe explicit- you can be the judge) generality that if you like porn, you therefore are at a high risk of addiction.

It’s making me so angry, because I am a clinician who tends not to see porn addicts — that just is not my patient base. (I thought reading the book might be useful because once in a while I will get someone who is partnered to a porn addict and the more that I know generally the better.) In my patient base, we look at porn (or erotica — the name we use when we want to be PC) as quite useful in many situations. Patients, (especially in long term relationships) often find it enjoyable to watch together, get knew ideas from it and learn more about likes and dislikes. People just find it fun. For my single patients, for whom masturbation is their primary  outlet, often erotica is just plain practical, whether written or visual.

So if you are one of those people who enjoy erotica in reasonable doses — don’t worry about getting stuck in the porn trap!