Posts Tagged ‘orgasm’

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Your Partner Is Fine

Thursday, March 24th, 2011 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

Your partner is FINE

We are always amused when patients assume that the reason they can’t reach orgasm through intercourse is because they don’t have a skillful partner, or that somehow their partner doesn’t try hard enough.

At the Center, we are well aware of the fact (and you see it all the time in our blog) that only 33% of women have an orgasm from intercourse. That is, whether or not you orgasm from intercourse is inherent to your body and not particularly dependent on your partner or his/her skill. But if you’d like some proof of that, here’s an interesting study: http://rsbl.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/1/3/260.short Essentially, a research group approached twins to see if their orgasmic patterns matched up, and low and behold, they did.   Twins achieved orgasm through the same pattern which is evidence that when and how you orgasm is at least partially, if not primarily, genetic.

So don’t blame your partner. And certainly don’t “blame” yourself. Have orgasms however it is easiest for you!

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An Orgasm A Day, Keeps The Doctor Away?

Thursday, February 24th, 2011 by Tara Ford, R.P.A.

We all know the old adage that “an apple a day will keep the doctor away” but did you know that there are health benefits associated with having orgasms?  Scientific research is proving that orgasms are not only pleasurable but are good for our health and longevity. 

 So, what are some of the health benefits from having a “Big O?”

 Stress Reduction-  An orgasm is a total body event, not just a pelvic event.  The release of accumulated sexual tension results in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region that produces intensely pleasurable sensations and rapid relaxation throughout the entire body. 

Improved Sleep-   Orgasms release endorphins which have a calming, sedating effect on the body.  After orgasm, blood pressure drops and your body is calmed which leads to a relaxed state where sleep can occur. 

Pain Reduction-  Orgasms cause the release of oxytocin, a natural opiate that is a powerful analgesic.  Pain from menstrual cramps, arthritis and headaches can be eased by orgasm.  Oxytocin and endorphins that are released during sex can raise your tolerance to pain by as much as 70%!

Alleviate Depression- Oxytocin and endorphins not only reduce pain but have a positive effect on mood and improve our overall sense of wellbeing. 

Boost Immunity-  Orgasms release DHEA, a powerful chemical that helps keep the immune system optimized.  Research shows that people who orgasm frequently have 30% more immunoglobin A, an antibody known to improve the immune system. 

How many orgasms do we need to have in order to reap these health benefits?  Researchers at Duke University recommend 200 orgasms a year which breaks down to about 4 orgasms a week.  Fortunately, there is no difference between orgasms achieved with a partner or if you’re flying solo.    It’s not important how you achieve orgasm, what’s important is that you have one (or multiples!).  

 If you find yourself having difficulty achieving orgasm or believe you’ve never experienced an orgasm, contact us.  We can help you.

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Intercourse and orgasm

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

Most women don’t have an orgasm from intercourse alone                       

You’ve heard me say it again and again… there is nothing “wrong” with you if you can’t have an orgasm from intercourse. It puts you squarely with 70% of women. And if you are someone who is able to have orgasms from a hand,  a mouth or a vibrator, you don’t have a problem with orgasm!  It just has to do with where your clitoris is positioned, the shape of his penis and how you initially learned how to have an orgasm.

BUT if you’d like to have an orgasm during intercourse – now that’s a different story. That you can learn how to do! You can use your hand, a vibrator or his hand if you find the right position. There are “hands free” vibrators that go on the penis and have a small vibrator for the clitoris. And many women really enjoy having an orgasm during intercourse. Because there is stimulation from a number of sources: the vagina and the clitoris, the orgasm may feel more intense or deeper. So try experimenting.

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Journal of Sexual Medicine findings on sexual behavior in men, women and teens

Tuesday, October 5th, 2010 by Ilene Rosenthal, Marketing

An Indiana University study has been released on sexual behavior published yesterday in the Journal of Sexual Medicine and the findings are garnering lots of chatter from the media. 

We’ll have a more thorough analysis of this study in a bit, but for now, let’s just topline the interesting points:

  • 60% of men and 50% of women report masturbating
  • Condom use among teenage boys is on the rise; 79% used a condom the last time they had sex
  • 85 percent of men said their partners climaxed during the most recent sex act, while only 64 percent of women confirmed that they actually did.

It’s not surprising that this gap exists or that the news media is focusing on this last point. But Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus of the Medical Center for Female Sexuality asks: are women really fabricating their orgasms or are their partners just  assuming they’re satisfied?  Hmmm.

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Coregasms – An orgasm by any other name…

Friday, May 7th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

 A newspaper reported called last week to talk to me about this “new idea” of “coregasms.”  Have you heard of them?  They are all the rage.

Basically women talk about having orgasms at the gym while working their core muscles.  It’s a hot new topic and clearly a great marketing ploy for gyms. Here’s the problem, though: they’re not really new. They are (I believe) just repackaged. (You know how Kentucky Fried Chicken became KFC because they wanted to get “Fried” out of their name?)
 
So what actually is a coregasm?
 
There have always been a small subset of women who can have orgasms induced by tensing the muscles surrounding the vagina and clitoris. Some of my patients will talk about being able to squeeze their thigh muscles together or do kegal exercises and induce orgasm. It’s a small subgroup of women who need a limited amount of stimulation, but it exists. These are the same women who can produce orgasm through exercise and  “squeezing muscles.”
 
So now that we’re in a “core craze” (anyone not living under a rock and who has visited a gym recently knows that “core work” is the new thing…)  orgasms are being billed as another benefit of core work.
 
So what does that mean for you?
Well, like every other sexual practice, it works for some and not for others. It can be fun for the people who can experience them, but it is NOT, I repeat NOT, likely to become a mainstream  sexual practice.  Most women just need more stimulation than that for orgasm and, therefore, are  not going to significantly change the quality of your sex life. So if it sounds like fun, go for it. Most importantly, please don’t be surprised or self-critical if it doesn’t work for you. Don’t feel like you are “less than” someone else because they can squeeze their way to orgasm and you can’t! It’s just one way to have an orgasm, and as long as you’ve found YOUR way(s), you are good to go!

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Apology Letter to a Vibrator

Monday, March 1st, 2010 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, PhD

Dear Vibrator,

I am so sorry.  I placed you in a drawer months ago and have not sought you out since.  Please understand, though I enjoyed you, I got nervous that this may be the only way I can orgasm.  My orgasms with you were intense and powerful and would occur like clock-work 10 minutes into vibrations.  I enjoyed them so much.  I guess I started to feel bad that I was enjoying my orgasms this much with something so artificial.  I became embarrassed.  I wouldn’t even tell my husband that I was using it; I didn’t want him knowing I was using a sex toy.  It was a shame too,  because there were so many ways I could have used you to help me orgasm during sex with him!  Again, I was embarrassed.  So now it is six months later.  It takes me much longer to orgasm using my hand and because of that I’ve kind of lost interest!  Did I really forgo all of that pleasure because of embarrassment?  Is not having orgasms a better alternative than having one with you? 

Recently, I went to the medical center for female sexuality about this orgasm issue.  The women there were very open, positive and non-judgmental.  They were very encouraging about using vibrators, especially during intercourse.  They helped me to realize this can be part of a healthy sex life and that my partner might actually like it too!  They had lots of vibrators to show me so I could touch them and see how they worked.  I couldn’t believe the variety.  So I bought one and decided to try again!

So vibrator, I am writing this to let you know I am sorry for treating you the way I did, and I promise to take you out from time to time and have you play with my husband and I.  Also, to let you know, now you have some competition!

Thank you for the good times and the times that are ahead of us.

Yours truly,

A satisfied customer.

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Children and masturbation

Monday, February 15th, 2010 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, PhD

Most people agree that masturbation is a normal part of live and as humans, we can choose to participate in this behavior, or avoid it if necessary.  Although it is normal, often parents are uneasy about what to do if they catch their child masturbating and even more uneasy if they had to talk to them about it.  Masturbation is a healthy sexual expression for both adults and children.  Some researchers would even go as far as to say that masturbation should occur during childhood to help build neuropathways in the body for orgasm, because ultimately that is what an orgasm is, a neurological response. 

 

If you catch your child stimulating him or herself, don’t overreact!  Masturbation will not cause psychological harm to your child; however, your reaction might.  So take a deep breath, and address it when they are not masturbating.  Explain that this is okay for them to do, but in the privacy of their bedroom or home. 

No one wants their kid masturbating in the cereal aisle in the grocery store.  Talk about privacy and you may be able to equate it to going to the bathroom, which kids are able to understand.  Explain that just like we go to the bathroom in private and take a shower/bath in private, this (masturbation) should also be done in private.  Although discussing sexuality with your kids can be uncomfortable, it is essential for their development.  At the medical center, though we only treat female sexual dysfunction, we have a number of resources for kids and parents on how to open up this conversation.  Some book recommendations: It’s So Amazing and Our Bodies, Ourselves.

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Equal Orgasms

Monday, January 25th, 2010 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, PhD

After speaking with many, many women and hearing their stories, I have found that some men and women are keeping track of their orgasms and only perform oral sex on a partner when they are guaranteed to get it in return.  Or couples don’t perform oral sex on their partner at all because, “it isn’t fair [s]he gets to have an orgasm when I don’t!”    It is important for everyone in the equation to be getting what they want. 

 Although it is important for both partners to experience orgasm, orgasms are not necessarily needed for a good time.  Take turns some nights, focusing all the pleasure on one person; another night focus on the other.  Try giving one partner oral sex, with nothing in return.  Even though it is pleasurable to perform oral sex on someone, as the receiver, it is nice to know you can lay back and relax without the expectation that after you will give that person oral sex too.  Sometimes is nice to just bask in the orgasm and enjoy the sensations to your skin and body.

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The frustration of Sex Therapy.

Friday, January 15th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

I had a patient yesterday who has zero sex drive. Zero. She has never masturbated. She has never fantasized. She has never been turned on as far as she can tell. She is sad and frustrated and it is effecting her marriage.

She spent the last two years on sex therapy. The first year was with a sex therapist who spend the entire time having her discuss the fact that she was raised by a step father, a warm, nurturing man and the only one she ever knew as a father since he married her mother when she was pregnant. Not surprisingly this didn’t help her sex drive a whole lot.

The second sex therapist did similarly. But they also spend a great deal of time talking about a dentist who paid too much attention to her and  kissed her on the cheek when she was 15. This didn’t seem to affect her sex drive much either.

 ENOUGH.  At some point we need to get smarter about the time  (and money) we are spending  on therapy.

Consider the following possibilities:  Perhaps some problems have a physical component. Maybe some are genetic. Some problems simply cannot be helped. Spending time in sex therapy grasping at straws because the therapist needs something to address,  is not only useless but detrimental to patients. If you consider these likely possibilities and their relatively direct treatments, you will be a wise consumer and an educated patient. You know if you are being helped. If you are not, stop.

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30% of Women orgasm through vaginal penetration

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, PhD

Although the following statistic is located on our webpage, women are still surprised to learn that only 30% of women will orgasm through vaginal penetration.  That means almost 70% of women do not orgasm through intercourse.  At times, women and their partners may feel like they are doing something wrong, or that something is wrong with them.  Orgasms can be attained through a number of sexual behaviors.  Many women often need some form of clitoral stimulation in order to achieve orgasm but unfortunately, intercourse does not always provide direct stimulation to the clitoris.  Some women will need to stimulate their own clitoris, or have a partner stimulate it for them, or use a vibrator during intercourse.  So, there isn’t anything wrong, you may just need more focus on your clitoris.  Finding a smaller vibrator that can be used with a partner may be useful in trying to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse.

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