At times we may feel that our partners are not adequately stimulating us during sex.  This can be true for men and women.  It isn’t that our partners are bad lovers or do not know how to perform, but rather that they may not know what really turns us on.  There can be many ways to guess what turns on your partner, for example, how they move during sexual activity or what sounds they make;  but the clearest, most direct is verbal communication. 

This subject comes up a lot when women talk to us about oral sex.  Let’s face it: oral sex for women is complex and asks couples to face many aspects of lovemaking that are sometimes difficult to address:  physiology, physics, the senses (sight, smell, taste), patience, power within a relationship, and more.

Here’s a scenario we hear a lot:  A woman really enjoys oral sex but doesn’t want to ask for it too much because she believes her partner doesn’t like to do it.  So she goes though a number of sexual encounters with intercourse,   enjoys it, but does not climax during any of these events.  Finally, she decides she is going to take matters into her own hands and tells her husband, before intercourse, that she wants an orgasm and would like him to perform oral sex on her.  To both of their surprises, he smiles , gets very excited and takes action.  As it turns out, he really enjoys giving oral sex to his wife, and he’s pretty good at it!  But she hesitated to express interest in it because of her own assumptions about her husband.  This little event sparked many more conversations about what they can do for (and to) each other to make each sexual experience fulfilling. 

If you find your partner needs some help in this area, or would like different technique suggestions, there are a number of books that are available for performing oral sex on women, such as: 

She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Ian Kerner

Guide to Eating Out – The Lick-by-Lick Guide to Mouthwatering and Orgasmic Oral Sex by Palmer Strong

And books that discuss both:

The Going Down Guide: Tongue Tips and Oral Sex Techniques for Men and Women by Emily Dubberley and Al Needham