Posts Tagged ‘normal sex life’

Newlywed’s Guide to Intimacy

Thursday, September 1st, 2011 by Barbara Gross, LMSW

In my work at the Center I frequently see “Torah observant” women who are struggling with sexual and relationship issues in a new marriage. They are from a community where certain rules and rituals must be observed. A new book called The Newlywed’s Guide to Physical Intimacy has just come out by Jennie Rosenfeld, PhD and David Ribner, DSW.

This is an excellent book for this community. It includes a lot of basic information about anatomy and how to begin a sexual relationship. The authors also do a great job of talking about intimacy (both physical and emotional) in a way that is very accessible and helpful.  Rosenfeld and Ribner gently take couples through various life stages and they explain how things like marriage, pregnancy and health issues may affect intimacy.

The book includes several illustrations; one of male and female anatomy as well as several basic positions for intercourse.  The illustrations are not as informative as they could be. It was a great idea to include them because knowledge about one’s anatomy is the first step towards discovering and exploring your sexuality, however these are not well done. They also included illustrations of sexual positions. Most of them are fine but one is so unclear that I fear it could actually lead to confusion. Other than that, I highly recommend this book.

A Good Day At Our Center

Monday, August 1st, 2011 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

Someone once asked me what makes a good day at our center.

 

Today is one of those days.

 

  • Today I got an e mail with a copy of a baby picture from a patient who struggled for 2 years with vaginismus. She is fine, having great sex and has a beautiful little baby girl to prove it.
  • Today we got an email from a patient with chronic pain from a severe and significant accident. Six months ago she believed she could never be approached by her husband again and that she’d never had an orgasm again. She and her husband were so sad that this part of their life was over. They just emailed from vacation. They are having sex (albeit with some modifications) and she is having orgasms again. They feel like they have been given an incredible gift.
  • Today I received an email from a young woman who sat in our office 4 years ago sobbing. Her marriage was ending because of her inability to have intercourse and her low desire. She felt hopeless, beyond help and so very alone. She emailed to tell me that those problems are far behind her. She is in a new, wonderful, supportive relationship. No pain. No problems with desire. She is starting a new chapter in her life.

 

So on those frustrating days when I am sitting across from someone who is struggling and whom we are struggling with to help find the right solution, I just have to remember these days. Because when you help someone restore their sex life you have given them a powerful reminder of just how great life can be!

Newsletter Talks About "What Is Normal"

Monday, May 19th, 2008 by Ilene Rosenthal, Marketing

The Medical Center for Female Sexuality has posted its May newsletter on its Web site.  This month’s topic is “what is normal.”  Along with an article from our contributor, Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, there are some fun statistics about sex and a review of a book written to help parents talk to their kids about sex.  Stop by and read.  You can also sign up to have the newsletter delivered directly to your email inbox every month.

Why not talking about sex is not so good…

Thursday, May 1st, 2008 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

The most interesting thing about the fact that people are unwilling to talk about sex is that it distorts our view. With no basis for comparison, we assume that what we do is “normal,” anyone who does stuff that’s more adventurous is “kinky” and anyone who isn’t comfortable with what we do is “repressed.” Can you imagine if we made that same assumption about eating because no one knew, how, when, where or what anyone else ate? The truth is that if everyone was more comfortable talking about sex what you’d realize pretty quickly is that there is a wide, wide range of sexual activities and pretty much everyone has some company for their likes and preferences. So go ahead. Ask your best friend about her sex life. You’d be surprised what you learn!

Am I normal?!

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

This question gets asked to me more than any other. Am I normal?

I hate oral sex. Am I normal? I LOVE oral sex more than anything. Am I normal? I don’t have orgasms from intercourse. Am I normal? I can only have orgasms from intercourse. Am I normal?

I fantasize about women even though I’m heterosexual. Am I normal? I fantasize about men who are not my husband. Am I normal? I fantasize about 200 men. Am I normal? I don’t fantasize at all. Am I normal?

I only really want sex 2 times a month. Am I normal? I want sex every day. (You guessed it, everyone together now…) AM I NORMAL?”

Okay guys, let me let you into a little secret… YOU ARE NORMAL!!!!!!!

The reality is that sexual likes, dislikes, fantasies, experiences, desires are very varied… and there is a huge range of what is normal. The better questions you should be asking yourselves are: Do I truly know what I like and dislike? Does what I like or desire work for me?  Does it work for my partner? If the answer to THESE questions are “no”… then you should address them.  Not because you are not “normal” but because your sex life isn’t working for you. And what should you do about that? That, my dear normal friends (sigh) will have to wait for other blog entries.