Posts Tagged ‘masturbation’

Gender Differences

Thursday, September 8th, 2011 by Barbara Gross, LMSW

In a recent article by Fisher and Alexander, the researchers  posit that the differences between the sexes (in terms of sexual beliefs and practices) are really differences in perception rather than in actuality. The differences exist primarily in terms of “ gender norms” that society has created rather than in actual differences.  The authors state that the differences appear to exist in research studies because men and women report different practices.  These are in accordance with what they feel the gender norms dictate, such as men typically reporting more sexual partners, decreased age at first intercourse and more masturbation, and women reporting fewer partners, later first date of intercourse and less masturbation.

However, when the studies were created to report answers to these questions and those surveyed felt they were going to be penalized for not telling the truth, both sexes reported much more similar answers. Since number of partners and age of first intercourse require both sexes, the fact that the answers were mismatched is fairly illogical.

All in all,  it appears that men and women think about sex a similar amount, have sex a similar amount and masturbate a similar amount. Possibly the truth about our sexual practices will become more widely known. I hope it’s soon.

 

Sex and the Vibrator Movie

Tuesday, September 6th, 2011 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

I admit it. I have been waiting all my life (okay, maybe just the last 10 years) for someone to make a quality film about the incredibly interesting history of vibrators. Really. I’m not kidding.

And finally, someone is doing it. (Well, I can’t actually vouch that it’s quality, but it is a real film). Maggie Gyllenhaal, the beautiful, feisty, funny and sexy chick from Secretary (another blog post on the feminist aspects of BDSM in the future, I promise) is going ahead and starring in a movie called Hysteria, about vibrators. Imagine a rom-com about the vibrator history. Someone order the popcorn! http://www.aceshowbiz.com/news/view/w0005673.html

So why do I feel like somehow the world is really not complete without a movie about vibrators? Because in my heart of hearts I believe that the vibrator is to the over-30 clitoris what eyeglasses are to over 15-year-old eyes. They can change your life. They make things easier, clearer and more beautiful.

Here’s the real deal. We live in a ridiculously androcentric sexual universe. Put another way, we have allowed men and the media to define sex as vaginal intercourse. If you asked a typical person on the street (male or female) to tell you what the basic requirement or ingredients of “sex” are, no doubt you’d hear something like “man put penis in vagina. Man ejaculates.” Hmmmm… Why would the answer not be “partner massages vulva and clitoris until the women reaches orgasm.” But let’s just be honest, one in 1000 people would answer that way and the one person would probably turn out to be me, a member of our staff or my family. No one answers that way! Worse, no one thinks that way.

So, if say, we were to flip that way of thinking onto its head and suggest that perhaps a woman’s orgasm should be an actual primary component of our sexual definition, well then that changes the equation – totally.  Intercourse is, without question, one of the least efficient and effective means of women achieving orgasm. 33.3 percent (that’s 3/10 women for those of you with math challenges) actually can have an orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Compare that statistic to 96.5%… the number of women who can achieve orgasm with a vibrator.

So, if you were a professional dealing with that statistic daily, wouldn’t you want there to be more understanding, acceptance, and use of perhaps the best invention since the light bulb?

Perhaps a mainstream movie might accomplish what is so hard for so many of us professionally in the field. Perhaps there will be just a little nudge in the direction of understanding and accepting female sexuality in all its complicated and misunderstood glory.

Apology Letter to a Vibrator

Monday, March 1st, 2010 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, PhD

Dear Vibrator,

I am so sorry.  I placed you in a drawer months ago and have not sought you out since.  Please understand, though I enjoyed you, I got nervous that this may be the only way I can orgasm.  My orgasms with you were intense and powerful and would occur like clock-work 10 minutes into vibrations.  I enjoyed them so much.  I guess I started to feel bad that I was enjoying my orgasms this much with something so artificial.  I became embarrassed.  I wouldn’t even tell my husband that I was using it; I didn’t want him knowing I was using a sex toy.  It was a shame too,  because there were so many ways I could have used you to help me orgasm during sex with him!  Again, I was embarrassed.  So now it is six months later.  It takes me much longer to orgasm using my hand and because of that I’ve kind of lost interest!  Did I really forgo all of that pleasure because of embarrassment?  Is not having orgasms a better alternative than having one with you? 

Recently, I went to the medical center for female sexuality about this orgasm issue.  The women there were very open, positive and non-judgmental.  They were very encouraging about using vibrators, especially during intercourse.  They helped me to realize this can be part of a healthy sex life and that my partner might actually like it too!  They had lots of vibrators to show me so I could touch them and see how they worked.  I couldn’t believe the variety.  So I bought one and decided to try again!

So vibrator, I am writing this to let you know I am sorry for treating you the way I did, and I promise to take you out from time to time and have you play with my husband and I.  Also, to let you know, now you have some competition!

Thank you for the good times and the times that are ahead of us.

Yours truly,

A satisfied customer.

Children and masturbation

Monday, February 15th, 2010 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, PhD

Most people agree that masturbation is a normal part of live and as humans, we can choose to participate in this behavior, or avoid it if necessary.  Although it is normal, often parents are uneasy about what to do if they catch their child masturbating and even more uneasy if they had to talk to them about it.  Masturbation is a healthy sexual expression for both adults and children.  Some researchers would even go as far as to say that masturbation should occur during childhood to help build neuropathways in the body for orgasm, because ultimately that is what an orgasm is, a neurological response. 

 

If you catch your child stimulating him or herself, don’t overreact!  Masturbation will not cause psychological harm to your child; however, your reaction might.  So take a deep breath, and address it when they are not masturbating.  Explain that this is okay for them to do, but in the privacy of their bedroom or home. 

No one wants their kid masturbating in the cereal aisle in the grocery store.  Talk about privacy and you may be able to equate it to going to the bathroom, which kids are able to understand.  Explain that just like we go to the bathroom in private and take a shower/bath in private, this (masturbation) should also be done in private.  Although discussing sexuality with your kids can be uncomfortable, it is essential for their development.  At the medical center, though we only treat female sexual dysfunction, we have a number of resources for kids and parents on how to open up this conversation.  Some book recommendations: It’s So Amazing and Our Bodies, Ourselves.

On how we masturbate

Thursday, January 28th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

I wish I had a nickel for every patient  who thinks that the way they masturbate is “weird.” I’d be rich. My favorite one is the hundreds of women who all think that lying on their stomach and rubbing againsttheir hands, a blanket or a pillow is totally unique to them and no one else does it that way.  HA!  

Relax. Let me tell you a secret, if you do it, chances are so do others. That’s the bottom line. And even in the unlikely  event that you have found a brand-new, never before tried way to masturbate – so what? Whoever said there was one right way to do it?

The only concern you may have about your choice in masturbation technique might be (and notice I’m saying MIGHT BE) if that is the only way you can orgasm, you might want to expand your repertoire to allow yourself an orgasm that your partner can share in if you choose to do so. So if the only way you can orgasm is  hiding in a closet, facing the wall – that may make it hard to share the experience.

Other than that, enjoy yourself. And don’t worry!!

Explore

Thursday, October 30th, 2008 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, PhD

I was talking with a woman the other day who said she didn’t enjoy touching her clitoris.  She then went on to say she really didn’t like her boyfriend to touch it either.  She enjoys intercourse, but does not have an orgasm through intercourse.  So she was on a mission to start masturbating more, but she still didn’t like touching her clitoris.  She kept saying, “maybe I’m too sensitive down there”.  When I asked her what she exactly touches, she responded, “well, duh, my clitoris”.  I suggested she continue to touch that area, but this time, try more to either side, or more from the top, but not directly on the clitoris.  The next time I saw her she was very excited to say hello, and “thank you, THAT is what everyone was talking about”.