Posts Tagged ‘masturbation’

Apology Letter to a Vibrator

Monday, March 1st, 2010 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, DHS

Dear Vibrator,

I am so sorry.  I placed you in a drawer months ago and have not sought you out since.  Please understand, though I enjoyed you, I got nervous that this may be the only way I can orgasm.  My orgasms with you were intense and powerful and would occur like clock-work 10 minutes into vibrations.  I enjoyed them so much.  I guess I started to feel bad that I was enjoying my orgasms this much with something so artificial.  I became embarrassed.  I wouldn’t even tell my husband that I was using it; I didn’t want him knowing I was using a sex toy.  It was a shame too,  because there were so many ways I could have used you to help me orgasm during sex with him!  Again, I was embarrassed.  So now it is six months later.  It takes me much longer to orgasm using my hand and because of that I’ve kind of lost interest!  Did I really forgo all of that pleasure because of embarrassment?  Is not having orgasms a better alternative than having one with you? 

Recently, I went to the medical center for female sexuality about this orgasm issue.  The women there were very open, positive and non-judgmental.  They were very encouraging about using vibrators, especially during intercourse.  They helped me to realize this can be part of a healthy sex life and that my partner might actually like it too!  They had lots of vibrators to show me so I could touch them and see how they worked.  I couldn’t believe the variety.  So I bought one and decided to try again!

So vibrator, I am writing this to let you know I am sorry for treating you the way I did, and I promise to take you out from time to time and have you play with my husband and I.  Also, to let you know, now you have some competition!

Thank you for the good times and the times that are ahead of us.

Yours truly,

A satisfied customer.

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Children and masturbation

Monday, February 15th, 2010 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, DHS

Most people agree that masturbation is a normal part of live and as humans, we can choose to participate in this behavior, or avoid it if necessary.  Although it is normal, often parents are uneasy about what to do if they catch their child masturbating and even more uneasy if they had to talk to them about it.  Masturbation is a healthy sexual expression for both adults and children.  Some researchers would even go as far as to say that masturbation should occur during childhood to help build neuropathways in the body for orgasm, because ultimately that is what an orgasm is, a neurological response. 

 

If you catch your child stimulating him or herself, don’t overreact!  Masturbation will not cause psychological harm to your child; however, your reaction might.  So take a deep breath, and address it when they are not masturbating.  Explain that this is okay for them to do, but in the privacy of their bedroom or home. 

No one wants their kid masturbating in the cereal aisle in the grocery store.  Talk about privacy and you may be able to equate it to going to the bathroom, which kids are able to understand.  Explain that just like we go to the bathroom in private and take a shower/bath in private, this (masturbation) should also be done in private.  Although discussing sexuality with your kids can be uncomfortable, it is essential for their development.  At the medical center, though we only treat female sexual dysfunction, we have a number of resources for kids and parents on how to open up this conversation.  Some book recommendations: It’s So Amazing and Our Bodies, Ourselves.

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On how we masturbate

Thursday, January 28th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

I wish I had a nickel for every patient  who thinks that the way they masturbate is “weird.” I’d be rich. My favorite one is the hundreds of women who all think that lying on their stomach and rubbing againsttheir hands, a blanket or a pillow is totally unique to them and no one else does it that way.  HA!  

Relax. Let me tell you a secret, if you do it, chances are so do others. That’s the bottom line. And even in the unlikely  event that you have found a brand-new, never before tried way to masturbate – so what? Whoever said there was one right way to do it?

The only concern you may have about your choice in masturbation technique might be (and notice I’m saying MIGHT BE) if that is the only way you can orgasm, you might want to expand your repertoire to allow yourself an orgasm that your partner can share in if you choose to do so. So if the only way you can orgasm is  hiding in a closet, facing the wall – that may make it hard to share the experience.

Other than that, enjoy yourself. And don’t worry!!

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Explore

Thursday, October 30th, 2008 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, DHS

I was talking with a woman the other day who said she didn’t enjoy touching her clitoris.  She then went on to say she really didn’t like her boyfriend to touch it either.  She enjoys intercourse, but does not have an orgasm through intercourse.  So she was on a mission to start masturbating more, but she still didn’t like touching her clitoris.  She kept saying, “maybe I’m too sensitive down there”.  When I asked her what she exactly touches, she responded, “well, duh, my clitoris”.  I suggested she continue to touch that area, but this time, try more to either side, or more from the top, but not directly on the clitoris.  The next time I saw her she was very excited to say hello, and “thank you, THAT is what everyone was talking about”.

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