Patients often remark that they resent having to decide between sex and sleep. And I can certainly relate! Any woman who is taking care of kids, working, running a household or taking care of 3000 other details always feels sleep deprived and often grumpy.

Here’s the other side though. Making love with your significant other can make you feel connected in a way little else can. That connection can get you through an awful lot of exhaustion, unhappiness and bumps in the road in life.

So what’s the solution?

Maybe have some good plain “fast sex.”

A quickie means different things to different people but whatever is fast and effective for you may make sense.

Say some really hot erotic things to each other before you even touch.

• Pull out that vibrator. Most women orgasm quickly and easily with a vibrator.
• Use your hand or mouth on your partner rather than have intercourse
• Try it in the shower (you can get clean while having sex and kill two birds with one stone.)

Basically, think about having 15 minute sex, and know that as a result you’ll probably fall into a deeper, sounder sleep and feel happier in the morning.

So first of all, let me assure you that sex with some clothes on can be plenty sexy! Second… here’s a secret: if you have little kids and you don’t schedule specific times for sex… the likelihood of your actually ever having sex is about the same as winning the State Lottery. Not so good.

The reality is that if having sex in your marriage is important — and in most cases it really and truly is — you’re going to have to include it as if it’s a “must do,” and schedule it in. That means sitting down and picking a time both of you think will work (not still at the office, not exhausted, no kids banging at the door,) and make concrete arrangements to make it possible. (A babysitter? A lock? A nap first?) Then you need to make this a (nearly) unbreakable commitment.

Don’t worry. It gets easier. And you may even find that scheduled sex can be as hot as the spontaneous kind. And guess what? In 20 years or so when your kids move out, you can always go back to the spontaneous kind!!