Better Sex Blog » lubricants

My Closet is X-rated!

admin — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 15:53:59 +0000

Not only do I love my job because I get to help people, but I also get to constantly explore and test out anything that has to do with increasing one’s sexual pleasure. It recently occurred to me that my closet is x-rated and that when my child goes looking for something in my room it might be better if he didn’t! I realize that most people may not have the time, energy or resources to spice up their sex life, so I wanted to write about the things that you can do for very little money and very little time that might make having sex a lot more fun, and that happen to be in my closet as I write this!

Massage candles are candles that burn at a cooler temperature and then turn into a massage oil. You might wonder, “who has time for that?”, but it doesn’t need to be an all-night activity. They burn quickly and smell good. A few minutes of massage with something that is warm and feels great might change your whole night, and when you are having fun and experiencing pleasure it stays with you the next day.

Vibrators come in so many shapes, styles, sizes and intensities. If you are someone who has never used one you should try it and if you are someone who uses one regularly, try a new one. I write about them often because for many women they are a necessity. There are also several that can be used during intercourse so if a woman or a man feels that a vibrator will be replacing them, don’t fret; try one that can be used together.

Lubricants can also open up a whole new world. Some women need one all the time, some never do. Much like vibrators there are so many different kinds to try. There are lubricants that are: water based, silicone based, organic, warming and edible. Even if you are someone who has never used one, you can try a few to add something new.

Esther Perel in her book “Mating in Captivity”, poses that comfort and security can kill your sex life. I am from an attachment theory background so I do not necessarily agree. But I do think that people need variety to feel excited and alive, so try something new, you will be glad you did!

NY Post and Kosher Sex

Barbara Gross, LMSW — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 20:11:23 +0000

In the New York Post this week there was an article about a new online site selling vibrators to the religious Jewish community. I love to see vibrators in mass media publications; the fact that there was a wide range of opinions discussed in the article from within that community adds even more value. At the Center we see many religious Jews and many of them struggle with issues around their sexuality. Some women feel that exploring their sexuality is wrong for religious reasons. Many feel they must check with their rabbis about what behaviors are acceptable. Luckily some women have rabbis that support them to explore their sexuality in a multitude of ways, but unfortunately not all have that experience. For those women we need to work within the confines of what they are allowed to do.

The site is simple and only carries a few of each kind of product (such as vibrators and lubricants), but it’s a good beginning for couples looking to expand their sexual experiences. It’s a safe place for online anonymous questions (that will be answered by a sex therapist), an aspect I find particularly important for this community where most individuals do not have access to a lot of sex education. I also suggest that if an individual or a couple is having any issues with pain or struggling with any other element of their sexual relationship that they reach out for help. We help many individuals and couples, and believe whole-heartedly that there is no reason to suffer when it comes to sex.

On Lubes

Shannon Bertha, ACS, PhD — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 13:39:42 +0000

On lubes

Regardless of age or sexual dysfunction, every woman should have a bottle of lube next to her bedside. Whether it is because you suffer from vaginal dryness, want to have a “quickie” and haven’t given yourself enough time to become aroused, or because you just like the feeling of having something ‘extra’ down there to help the penis and/or toys slide inside you. Lubrication is also extremely helpful when applied to the clitoris to help the fingers slide and glide over it.

Most people have seen the KY jelly commercials and the various products that are available offering ‘warming’, ‘cooling’ and even ‘intense’ sensations from the lube itself. What you may not know is that there are more brands available than just KY and, depending on preference, you may enjoy one of these even more. Typically, lubes come water-based or silicone. Both are condom compatible but you don’t want to use the silicone with any sex toys. Some people have never even heard of silicone lube, but this is an excellent option because it coats the skin rather than soaking into it like water-based lubes can. The other thing women have recently been concerned with are the chemicals that make up the product. Most women do not have any problems with the chemicals in KY, but some women find KY irritates them. If this is the case, or if you are trying to reduce your contact with chemicals, you may want to look for one that is glycerin and paraben free. Glycerin can break down into the body and turn to sugar which can affect women prone to yeast infections. Paraben is a preservative added to the product which can cause irritation and an allergic reaction to the vulva area. Liquid Silk is an excellent option for glycerin free lube and Wet Platnium is a silicone based, glycerin and paraben free product.

Shameless plug: our website now recommends products of all kinds that have proven to be effective with our patients over the past 12 years that the Center has been open! Take a look.

On Condoms….

Shannon Bertha, ACS, PhD — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 20:52:11 +0000

There was an interesting conversation the other day on a local radio station, Z100, where they were discussing condoms and the double standard that people apparently still seem to subscribe to. The double standard I am referring to is when men carry condoms, it is acceptable. In fact, it is usually expected that they will have condoms. Men are often considered ‘responsible’ for carrying them, and in turn women may note how responsible they are for doing so. However, given the same situation, women may be perceived as “slutty” or giving the impression to men that they are promiscuous for carrying condoms; you almost never hear people calling these women responsible for carrying condoms (well, other than by sexologists). The segment even went as far as to tell women how to approach the idea of admitting you have condoms. It suggested women ask the men first and if they say no they don’t have one, then she can say, “I’m not sure, I might have some, let me go look”. By saying it this way it seems like the condoms are left over from a previous relationship and that she doesn’t really know if she has them, because if she knew she had them, she must be using them often.

I am amazed by this entire conversation for numerous reasons. 1) Is it really that taboo in 2009 for women to also own and carry condoms? 2) Do women really have to approach this topic so passively? 3) Why are women sluts for owning condoms, but men are considered responsible? 4) Is a woman who has her own condoms not being responsible?

From a sexual health standpoint, women are more likely than men to contract an STI, or the obvious, a pregnancy. There are also women who need to use specific condoms, such as polyurethane condoms or condoms with lubricants. Some lubricants and spermicides can cause irritation to the vaginal area. Therefore, some women have a specific type or brand of condom they know works well for them. So in order to move towards a more progressive and enlightened society, we as a whole have to stop with double standards of men and women in general, but especially when dealing with sex. Women should not have to tip toe around this issue in order to make their partners comfortable that they aren’t a slut. Or maybe women just need to find new partners who do not look down at this practice 