Posts Tagged ‘low libido’

"Just do it?"

Saturday, March 29th, 2008 by Melissa Ferrara FNP

I was recently having a conversation with an OB/GYN about low sexual desire in women.  We were discussing treatment options, when he said; “I tell my patients to do it the Nike way, you know, Just do it.”  I didn’t know what to say. I stood there in total silence, somewhat horrified and offended.  Shocked by his comment, I ignore the statement and moved on to another subject.  Afterward, I was replaying this moment in my mind over and over.   I was really upset with myself that I didn’t tell him how I really feel about his “Just do it” mentality.  It is demeaning, and it doesn’t work.  If it was that easy, don’t you think she would have figured that out herself?   Many women are embarrassed to discuss their sex lives with their health care providers, and when they finally get up enough courage to broach the subject, they are usually blown off, or worse told to get over it and “Just do it!”  There are many different factors that could contribute to low libido.  It could be hormonal, it could be intercourse is painful, it could be related to decreasing arousal, or inability to have orgasms, it could be relationship difficulties, it could be all of these.  Many providers don’t have the time to really find out the true story, so it is much easier to say, “Just do it”.  If they only knew what a disservice they are doing to their patients. 

If you find yourself in this situation, where you feel you are not taken serously, or your feelings are minimized, ask yourself, is my provider adequately addressing my needs? If not, don’t be afraid to ask for more help or seek another opinion.

some thoughts on low sexual desire

Monday, March 24th, 2008 by Shoshana Bulow LCSW

Relational or psychological issues can cause or at least contribute to low sexual desire.  In my practice, I’ve seen people who have been ambivalent about their relationships from day one, yet are baffled as to why they don’t want to jump into bed with their partners.  I have met people who feel that they are being criticized relentlessly, or feel like they are being guilted into doing sexual things that make them uncomfortable, and then they wonder why their sexual desire has seemingly disappeared.  But sometimes their spouses or partners don’t even realize it, and may actually be open to making changes or seeing things differently if only these feelings were shared. For others, there may be difficult history that they have not yet sorted through, or messages about sex after marriage or sex after becoming a parent that they don’t even realize influence their sex lives.  Exploring the relational/psychological issues that may be causing or contributing to low sexual desire is not a sign that something is wrong with you or your relationship.  It only means that you recognize that love and sex and relationships can be complicated and that talking about it can help.