Posts Tagged ‘libido’

But things weren’t always like this….

Monday, May 10th, 2010 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, PhD

If I had a nickel every time a woman told me about her sexual situation with her husband and concluded with, “But it was never like that,” I would be a wealthy woman. 

After being married for 10 or 15 years, people compare what is going on in their relationship currently with what it was like when they were 20 or 25 years old, and they are surprised that “things are just not the same”.  As we age, there will be a number of changes our bodies will go through.  Women may lubricate less; men may require more time in order to achieve an erection, some places on your body may not be as sensitive as they used to be, you may even prefer different positions than those that typically worked for the two of you.

But if you stop and think about this for a minute, this can be the fun part!  You get to explore and experiment all over again!  Communicating about these changes with your partner may be the hardest aspect of exploring new ways to enhance your sex life.  What we find is, like a lot of things in life, taking the first step is hard, but then it feels good and you feel proud and you’re on a roll (think exercise, diet, etc).  So raise the issue with your partner and, together, find what works for you.  Adapting to these situations is essential to  a healthy sex life, because they are changes we all will ultimately go through.

some thoughts on low sexual desire

Monday, March 24th, 2008 by Shoshana Bulow LCSW

Relational or psychological issues can cause or at least contribute to low sexual desire.  In my practice, I’ve seen people who have been ambivalent about their relationships from day one, yet are baffled as to why they don’t want to jump into bed with their partners.  I have met people who feel that they are being criticized relentlessly, or feel like they are being guilted into doing sexual things that make them uncomfortable, and then they wonder why their sexual desire has seemingly disappeared.  But sometimes their spouses or partners don’t even realize it, and may actually be open to making changes or seeing things differently if only these feelings were shared. For others, there may be difficult history that they have not yet sorted through, or messages about sex after marriage or sex after becoming a parent that they don’t even realize influence their sex lives.  Exploring the relational/psychological issues that may be causing or contributing to low sexual desire is not a sign that something is wrong with you or your relationship.  It only means that you recognize that love and sex and relationships can be complicated and that talking about it can help.

Birth Control Pills and Low Libido

Saturday, March 15th, 2008 by Melissa Ferrara FNP

Did you know that your birth control pills could be the cause of your low libido?  Ironic as it may seem, the little pills you started because you were having sex, are now what could be the reason you don’t want to anymore.  Birth control pills suppress hormones in your body to prevent you from ovulating, thus preventing pregnancy.  But, they also suppress your natural production of androgens, specifically testosterone.  They also increase production of SHBG (sex hormone binding globulin), a protein which will bind to testosterone and make it unavailable for your body to use.  Testosterone is the hormone most closely linked to driving a women’s libido.  The birth control pills destroy your testosterone levels.  (This is also why birth control pills will help clear your skin.) 

Women are starting birth control pills at younger ages.  It is not uncommon for women to be on birth control pills for 10-15 years. It is perfectly safe for women to stay on birth control pills for many years, but it is unclear what kind of damage this long term use can do to a women’s libido.  Some research has shown that even after discontinuing use of birth control pills, women still have not regained their libido.

Women are told many side effects of birth control pills, but loss of libido is rarely, if ever mentioned.