Posts Tagged ‘dating’

Online Dating in the New Yorker

Monday, July 25th, 2011 by Barbara Gross, LMSW

The recent article on online dating in the New Yorker by Nick Paumgarten was most interesting for its research. I had never heard about the history of online dating, and I was certainly not aware of the complicated algorithms that underpin the search process. He explained it all in a really interesting and accessible way. He also interviews many of the creators of on line dating, such as those behind Ok Cupid and Helen Fisher (who created the intake forms for Chemistry.com).  The article is much more about the mechanics behind online dating than a real look at the experience of it.

Paumgarten only includes a few anecdotes of online daters which seem rather negative. He interviews two women in detail. The first is an older woman of 76 who speaks about the experience as being disheartening and containing a system whose code she can’t crack. The second tells him about going to Brazil after a few interactions with a man and having it end  badly, though she claims she would do it all again for the thrill of the adventure. This is hardly a well-rounded selection. His attempt to represent the positive side of the experience includes one line. He says, ”The success story is the standard of the genre”, but in direct opposition to that point he seems to focus on the fact that the internet is overpopulated by available women and a limited supply of men. This also seems to skew the whole depiction, as does his focus on older men choosing younger women. The beauty of the whole process is that is epitomizes self selection.

Thankfully, he was transparent about his lack of personal dating experience both online and off.  He explains that he has been on only two dates and one of them was with his wife. As someone who has been married most of his adult life and chosen a mate probably more on access than on analysis, his view is certainly limited, though his research is worth the read.

More on this in my next entry…

On Condoms….

Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, PhD

There was an interesting conversation the other day on a local radio station, Z100, where they were discussing condoms and the double standard that people apparently still seem to subscribe to. The double standard I am referring to is when men carry condoms, it is acceptable. In fact, it is usually expected that they will have condoms. Men are often considered ‘responsible’ for carrying them, and in turn women may note how responsible they are for doing so. However, given the same situation, women may be perceived as “slutty” or giving the impression to men that they are promiscuous for carrying condoms; you almost never hear people calling these women responsible for carrying condoms (well, other than by sexologists). The segment even went as far as to tell women how to approach the idea of admitting you have condoms. It suggested women ask the men first and if they say no they don’t have one, then she can say, “I’m not sure, I might have some, let me go look”. By saying it this way it seems like the condoms are left over from a previous relationship and that she doesn’t really know if she has them, because if she knew she had them, she must be using them often.

I am amazed by this entire conversation for numerous reasons. 1) Is it really that taboo in 2009 for women to also own and carry condoms? 2) Do women really have to approach this topic so passively? 3) Why are women sluts for owning condoms, but men are considered responsible? 4) Is a woman who has her own condoms not being responsible?

From a sexual health standpoint, women are more likely than men to contract an STI, or the obvious, a pregnancy. There are also women who need to use specific condoms, such as polyurethane condoms or condoms with lubricants. Some lubricants and spermicides can cause irritation to the vaginal area. Therefore, some women have a specific type or brand of condom they know works well for them. So in order to move towards a more progressive and enlightened society, we as a whole have to stop with double standards of men and women in general, but especially when dealing with sex. Women should not have to tip toe around this issue in order to make their partners comfortable that they aren’t a slut. Or maybe women just need to find new partners who do not look down at this practice 

New Kid on the Bettersex Blog

Friday, July 17th, 2009 by admin

Hello Readers – I’m a new member of the team at the Medical Center for Female Sexuality. In my role as marketing and business development guru,  I come across interesting blogs, articles and studies about sex.

As administrator of this blog, I thought it would be nice if I made a contribution to our readers! So here’s my first one: a blog on dating and some entries about decoding body language:
http://dating.over-blog.net/article-33739585.html
It made me think about how the kids are away at sleepaway camp for a few more days… and my husband and I might go on a “date “… and that body language might influence the kind of weekend in store for us…

Happy reading,

Ilene