To be filed under the “I wish I had a nickel every time a patient said this to me.”

Women with low libidos always think their husbands want to have sex every day. When I am doing an intake with a woman who is having sex (because she feels obligated) say, once every 3 weeks, I will ask her how often  her partner wants to have sex. Invariably she looks at me like I am the village idiot and says “My husband wants to have sex everyday…  of course.”    The subtext being that all men want to have sex every day.

 Sorry, but I must disabuse you of this notion. Most men over the age of 19 really don’t want to have sex every day. They get tired too, you know. However, men who are not having any satisfying sex, or men who feel like their partners never want to have sex, often feel as though they want to have sex every day.  It may be on their minds constantly; they may be worried about it all the time and every night they may be thinking… is this the night I’m going to get to have sex?!

Think about it. If you love chocolate fudge and you had a box of it sitting there which you couldn’t eat and you didn’t know when you’d finally be able to have a piece, you’d probably be thinking about the fudge all the time! But that doesn’t mean if the fudge was readily available whenever you wanted it, you’d eat it all day long!

 The same is true about sex. When these women’s libidos are back to normal, and they are happily having sex, they aren’t having sex every day.  Their perfectly human husbands want sex regularly, but not every day.  If you doubt this, here’s a suggestion: try initiating sex every night. It never fails, by the end of week two your partner will be looking at you funny and asking if it’d be okay to wait until tomorrow night. 

And for a woman whose libido is back in check, tomorrow is perfectly ok!