The website SheKnows.com handles a lot of tough issues from love and sex, to home and garden, to parenting and health.
When considering the connection between the pill and your sex life and the role of hormones in a woman’s libido, there is a lot of reliable research to support this link. The question is: birth control! For some women, finding another avenue for birth control is a bigger deal than saying yes when they mean no in the bedroom. Read more on the She Knows site.
You’ve already heard us opine about claims that practitioners who treat female sexual dysfunction medically with tremendous success. Here, ABC News again fusses over the fact that big pharmaceutical companies are creating products to address the condition of low desire.
Of particular interest are the comments below the story. Proof from real people, right there.
An Indiana University study has been released on sexual behavior published yesterday in the Journal of Sexual Medicine and the findings are garnering lots of chatter from the media.
We’ll have a more thorough analysis of this study in a bit, but for now, let’s just topline the interesting points:
It’s not surprising that this gap exists or that the news media is focusing on this last point. But Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus of the Medical Center for Female Sexuality asks: are women really fabricating their orgasms or are their partners just assuming they’re satisfied? Hmmm.
Hello Everyone. I am Dr. Sara NasserZadeh.
I have just joined the dynamic group of professionals at MCFS and am looking forward to interacting with you all through the blog.
My Motto is: “There is always a way forward or at least out of it”. I hope you enjoy this entry as much as I did writing it!
I can’t tell you how many times women ask me ‘How can I improve my sex life?’ When I ask them what the ideal situation would be, they don’t have a clear idea as what those improvements might be. That is why I thought of writing this entry to encourage everyone to clarify their perception about sex, good sex and great sex, to know what is it that they want and to learn how to communicate that effectively with their partners. These will all happen by following three simple steps:
1- Add some active learning to your everyday life: Many of the norms and ideas that we have in mind are shaped by the messages we receive in our everyday life. These include: talking to our friends, reading a magazine’s sex tips page, watching TV and so on. These are the passive learning processes we go through each day. If we try to add some active learning techniques to the picture, then we will have a more balanced perspective which will then help us shape a realistic picture of what our individual sex lives could be.
Some of the things we can do to create a more active learning process about our sex lives is to take the time to know our own “turn on’s” and “turn off’s.” We need to get in touch with our bodies to answer these questions: which parts we would like to be touched?, how and for how long? And, perhaps, by whom?
2- Learn how to communicate your likes and dislikes: We need to learn to be more assertive and clear about what we like and dislike – not only about sexual preferences but also in other areas of life. You can start with one of the easiest, but one of the most complex everyday challenges for many people: likes and dislikes in eating! Observe yourself and see how well you communicate what you want and what are the factors that prevent you from getting what you want. These are could be transferable to your sexual communication too.
3- Put this into action: Now that you have a good understanding of what you want, you can communicate this to your partner from the beginning of the relationship to shape the sex life you want. If you are already in a relationship and you have a set pattern of intimacy with your partner, it is very helpful to begin slowly, but surely. For example, at each anniversary, you can sit together with your partner and go through a list of things that you would like to try in this new year of your relationship. This is a useful technique because people (especially in long term relationships) can get offended or insecure if you suddenly suggest a change in the way they have been touching you or kissing you for the past 10 years! Our preferences change over time due to psychological, social, relational and biological factors so this little chat at each anniversary will give you and your partner the opportunity to share your new preferences with one another without any upsets and enjoy life-long satisfying sex life together.
Good luck!
If you search our archive, you will find a number of blogs discussing this topic. Although this subject has been touched upon, we continue to hear it from our patients each and every week, and not only are patients getting frustrated, but I am too. How can any practitioner, therapist or doctor see an ulcerated vagina and conclude that the pain and discomfort the woman has been suffering from is . . . drum roll please . . . in her head?
It’s not in her head . . . there are physical symptoms! Now, of course there is a connection between what goes on in your brain and how that translates to your body and psychosomatic symptoms, but this is not always the case. But when there is a physiological symptom, why would anyone recommend cognitive therapy to treat a raw, irritated vagina? If I broke my arm snowboarding, would the treatment be to go to therapy to see why I decided to go snowboarding to begin with . . . or would the treatment be to set and cast my arm? It never ceases to amaze me how when it comes to female sexuality, we forget the biopsychosocial approach and just treat the woman as an emotional creature or think psychologically she is being affected. What happened to the biological component???
Therapists can be quick to find that red flag, that ah ha moment, the root of a particular emotional response to a given situation. But most therapists work in the psychological realm, talk therapy, and I have yet to meet a therapist who can “talk” to anyone’s vagina and rid them of rawness and irritation. Although therapist’s intention is to help, I wonder if gynecologists realize how recommending talk therapy when a painful situation exists affects the patient or client.
Do these women believe it is indeed in their heads and therefore can never be cured? Do they rack their brains trying to find that one instance that caused or triggered the problem and in essence blame themselves? Many of the women I see at the Women’s Center are suffering from various issues including low desire, trouble with arousal, difficult time achieving orgasm and pain. In every category, I’ve heard a woman say, “My doctor said it must be in my head”, when there is clearly a real physical issue going on. I think that is the benefit of a place like the Women’s Center
. You get the chance to work with both a sexuality therapist and a nurse practitioner who are both trained in sexual issues. So if you would like to explore your situation beyond “it’s in your head” make an appointment so we can treat all of you, not just one part.
Thank you, Nightline.
My only wish is that the story on Zestra - the topical oil-based product said to increase women’s sensitivity to touch and help them feel greater sexual satisfaction – aired during prime time so more people could hear the words “women” and “sex” or “sexual satifaction” or “arousal” or “desire” in the same sentence.
Hmmm. We can advertise alchohol and tobacco, at least in print, Cocoa Puffs on Saturday morning and Viagra/Cialis/Levitra etc all the time. But no one can talk about women and sex. Women feeling sexual. Women wanting to be sexually satisfied. Women wanting to please their partners by wanting sex more often. Women taking control of their sex lives.
There. I said it.
We can discuss overactive bladder, the gastrointestinal side effects of diet medication, impotence in hair growth treatment…..but not sexual satisfaction for women.
This absurd situation has so many twists it could be an O’Henry story.
“Can’t pay for ads? Ok, we’ll take it for Free! ” Management of Semprae Laboratories manages to achieve hours of free airtime over radio, tv and the web because no one will let them pay for advertising. Dr. Laura Berman, Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, Rachel Ray, and all our crazy gals on The View are talking about it on the air. The joke is on whom?
Since the web has been eating the networks’ lunch you’d think they’d understand the word “viral” by now…
Does anyone wonder why some of the medications in trial have been negatively judged by the FDA? I’m not being paranoid, am I?
Bravo to Nightline for discussing the absurd behavior of the US media, for fairly giving these entrepreneurs a chance to tell their story, and for giving women a moment (even if it’s at midnight) to think about and explore their own sexual health. I know first hand from our work at MCFS that this topic isn’t going away.
On lubes
Regardless of age or sexual dysfunction, every woman should have a bottle of lube next to her bedside. Whether it is because you suffer from vaginal dryness, want to have a “quickie” and haven’t given yourself enough time to become aroused, or because you just like the feeling of having something ‘extra’ down there to help the penis and/or toys slide inside you. Lubrication is also extremely helpful when applied to the clitoris to help the fingers slide and glide over it.
Most people have seen the KY jelly commercials and the various products that are available offering ‘warming’, ‘cooling’ and even ‘intense’ sensations from the lube itself. What you may not know is that there are more brands available than just KY and, depending on preference, you may enjoy one of these even more. Typically, lubes come water-based or silicone. Both are condom compatible but you don’t want to use the silicone with any sex toys. Some people have never even heard of silicone lube, but this is an excellent option because it coats the skin rather than soaking into it like water-based lubes can. The other thing women have recently been concerned with are the chemicals that make up the product. Most women do not have any problems with the chemicals in KY, but some women find KY irritates them. If this is the case, or if you are trying to reduce your contact with chemicals, you may want to look for one that is glycerin and paraben free. Glycerin can break down into the body and turn to sugar which can affect women prone to yeast infections. Paraben is a preservative added to the product which can cause irritation and an allergic reaction to the vulva area. Liquid Silk is an excellent option for glycerin free lube and Wet Platnium is a silicone based, glycerin and paraben free product.
Shameless plug: our website now recommends products of all kinds that have proven to be effective with our patients over the past 12 years that the Center has been open! Take a look.
Having low hormone levels do not necessarily mean that your desire for sex will shrivel up like styrofoam in a campfire. Sex, and our desire for sex, is dependent on many, many elements and hormones are just one of them.
For most women having a healthy relationship with her partner, being attracted to her partner, having time and energy available, getting enough sleep or having a generally healthy physical profile can all impact desire, and these may be just as important as hormone levels.
Take sleep for instance: if you are so sleep deprived that you cannot stay awake for 10 minutes without your eyes shutting, in all likelihood you will not be interested in or even capable of having sex. However, if you are just tired, most people can still locate their libido with a little encouragement.
The same is true with hormones. Your levels might be a little low. But if everything else is in line, you can probably maintain some interest in sex, even with low hormone levels. If, however, your hormones are way out of whack, or if other things are off kilter in addition to your hormone levels, then you will most likely feel a dramatic decline or absence of interest in sexual activity. At some point, if you are walking around with the hormone profile of a 10 year old, nothing else will make up for it except for the addition of hormones. This can help you achieve and maintain better balance for your body 
which will effect everything, including sex.
Here’s the bottom line, many factors have the power to put the kibosh on your sex life. So think hard about the ones that appear to be obvious; then check out the others that may lie under the surface.
Something wonderful happened today. I saw a new vaginismus patient. Typical in many ways, she is in her 30′s, pretty and petrified of romantic relationships. She avoids relationships because she believes that there is something “wrong with her.” She feels ashamed and damaged. She really doesn’t believe she can be helped. The few relationships she has tried have left her feeling worse than when she started. She feels desperate now and is hoping maybe we can help, though she wonders (like most vaginismus patients) if she is beyond help.
So what’s the good news?
It just so happened that immediately following her appointment was a patient who was finishing treatment for vaginismus, a magnificent and beautiful woman (inside and out) in her 40′s who 3 months ago thought she would never be “normal.” I asked if she’d be comfortable talking to the new patient and she happily agreed.
Sitting there with the two of them almost made me cry. As I watched our “graduating” patient talk about all her fears and concerns when she came to us, and how empowered and normal she now feels, I felt so proud of her. And watching the new patient realize that her situation is not so unique and not so hopeless — watching her light up with a new found feeling of hopefulness — made me grateful for being in this profession.
Daily I feel privileged to have the opportunity to watch our patients struggle with their worst fears and conquer them — and privileged to be a part of the solution. But in the end, they are doing it themselves. I am blessed to be able to be a part of their lives.
I’m sure I’m not the first one to tell you this, but kegel exercises are really important. As you age, the muscles around your vagina and urethra weaken. This can lead to all kinds of problems which, trust me, you don’t want.
Most often women experience leaking urine when they cough, laugh or sneeze. It happens to some women when they have an orgasm. While this is not the worst thing in the world (Panti-liners and towels on the bed during sex help handle the “symptoms”) it is a part of our physical health and well-being. And because there is a simple way to work on this, there’s really no excuse for slogging through a soggy situation.
The Medical Center For Female Sexuality is putting out a Kegel CD to help you exercise your kegels every day. Stay tuned. We promise we’ll let you know as soon as we have it for you! In the meantime, check our website for instructions on how to do kegel exercises.
Jolie
MCFS Kegel Exercise CD
Love Liquid
