Archive for the ‘sex life’ Category
Thursday, April 12th, 2012 by Barbara Gross, LMSW
Perimenopause is a stage of a woman’s life that can start at any age but typically, “starting at age 43 the female brain becomes less sensitive to estrogen, touching off a cascade of symptoms that can vary month to month and year to year, ranging from hot flashes and joint pain to anxiety and depression….For a lucky 15 percent of women, perimenopause – the two to nine year (period) is a breeze, but for about 30 percent it can cause major discomfort, and 50 to 60 percent of women experience some perimenopausal symptoms at least some of the time. Interest, or the lack of it, in sex can be an issue as well. Along with the estrogen drop, testosterone can also drop dramatically at this time”. The Female Brain, by Louann Brizendine, p.141.
At the Center, we often see women in their 40’s who complain of low desire. We generally treat low desire with testosterone. Low testosterone may be the result of perimenopause, particularly for a woman in her 40’s, however, we also see women in their 20’s who suffer from low desire. It is possible that some women’s bodies may make small amounts of testosterone to begin with, or possibly their bodies don’t easily utilize the testosterone they make. One is not considered “in menopause” until they have not gotten a period for a year. A physician assistant at our Center, Tara Ford, said that in fact you can go 11 months and 29 days and if you menstruate you need to start the calendar again. A woman’s cycle is a fairly complex and unpredictable thing particularly as a woman heads towards menopause. What is important to me is that women begin to understand what they are going through, because the more women know about why their bodies are reacting as they are, the more empowered they are to make their lives symptom free and better.
Tags: anxiety, depression, estrogen, hot flashes, peri menopause, Tara Ford
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Tuesday, April 10th, 2012 by Tara Ford, RPA-C
Reading erotica is a behavioral activity we often recommend to our patients looking to help increase their desire and arousal. Some patients find reading random articles in Cosmopolitan magazine are sufficient enough to get their motors started, while others find the erotica we recommend too “vanilla”. Like everything else in life, what works for one person doesn’t always work for another. The same is true for erotica.
However, there is a romance novel floating around now that has captured the attention of women all over the globe and has created quite a stir. If you haven’t heard about this phenomenon yet, you surely will. I’m talking about the romance novel Fifty Shades of Gray written by EL James. The reason for the stir? The story involves a young woman who crosses the path of an older man who happens to be a billionaire and interested in BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance and submission). The novel has since been branded as “mommy porn” and is currently only available as an electronic book.
I met with a patient today who raved about this novel. She has been following her treatment plan for several months and it wasn’t until she read this book that she fully realized how much her desire and arousal have improved. She has read other erotic stories before but nothing had moved her in a such a way as this story. She never thought she would find BDSM a turn on. She found the book so engrossing that she cancelled her plans this past weekend to stay home to finish the trilogy! As a single woman navigating the complexities of the dating scene, she found the book enabled her to create fantasies a lot easier than before. She continues to feel that the area of her brain that felt “shut off” before has now been “turned on”. She left the office with a brand new vibrator!
Like I mentioned earlier, what turns on one person may turn off another but the cult following this book has created cannot be overlooked. The question of why this storyline has garnered mass appeal really isn’t as important as finding out what works for you. BDSM may be a topic you have no interest in reading about but it may just be the kind of story your brain needs to flick that switch on.
What do you think? Have you read the book?
Tags: BDSM, bondage, Cosmopolitan, discipline, dominance, EL James, erotica, Fifty Shades of Gray, mommy porn, romance novel, submission, the Medical Center for Female Sexuality, vibrator
Posted in sex life, sex therapist, sexual health | 1 Comment »
Thursday, April 5th, 2012 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD
In a recent blog post, The Medical Center for Female Sexuality asked to hear from you, the readers. Here is one of the questions we received:
Question: Hello!
I am a sophomore in college and I’m not sure if a problem I am experiencing is normal or something that I should pursue medically. When I have sex with the guy I’m sort of exclusively dating but not my boyfriend, afterwards I experience very painful soreness in my vulvar area–it’s not really localized, but more of a general soreness. No itching. I asked my gynecologist about it, but she wasn’t able to give me an answer after asking me a series of questions. There’s no problem with vaginal dryness, it’s not a chemical issue having to do with my laundry detergent, and I don’t know what else to do. I have no STI’s or a yeast infection. I’m currently taking Modicon as a form of birth control, and have been since November of 2009. While I’ve been able to have sex, the aftereffects are really uncomfortable and have interfered with my ability to have it more frequently. I’m not sure if this is something I should be worried about.
Thanks for your help!
Answer: Hi. Thanks for your question.
Pain in the vagina is complicated. Usually (and this is not going to be an exception), we can’t possibly diagnose or suggest a treatment unless you have been physically examined. However, there are some pieces of information that we can share that may help you put the pain into context.
- First of all, it may depend on how often you are having sex. If you are having sex infrequently, the soreness could come from short term “overuse.” Sometimes muscles get tight, and while you are having intercourse they stretch out; but then they may hurt afterwards (think about dancing or using muscles you haven’t used before and how they may feel afterwards). Dilation can be helpful in these situations.
- If you are not using a lubricant, than I would recommend you try that first. Soreness could be related to friction. Even though you may have adequate lubrication for initial penetration, you may still need additional lubrication to ensure a sufficient moisture barrier between your vaginal mucosa and the skin of your partner’s penis. Since you are also on birth control pills, that will decrease your natural lubrication. I would suggest that you try several different brands, including a silicone brand.
- Your birth control pills can absolutely contribute. The vagina is extremely hormonally sensitive and any type of hormonal shift can have an impact. Stopping the oral contraceptive may give you more information.
- In rare cases, women can be allergic to their partner’s semen. But in most of those cases there is significant burning and redness that follows (like other allergies).
My suggestion to you is not to give up because one ob/gyn couldn’t find the answer. Look for a specialist in women’s sexuality or vulvar pain and keep looking for a solution until you find one. Intercourse should not hurt before, during or after!
Tags: allergy, birth control pills, dilation, gynecologist, hormonal shifts, Intercourse, lubrication, Modicon, pain, penetration, Penis, semen, sexuality, soreness, the Medical Center for Female Sexuality, Vagina, vaginal dryness, vulvar
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Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD
An interesting thing happened at Yale a few weeks ago. Betty Dodson, a feminist, bisexual, 84 year old, champion of free love and sexual diversity, debated an Orthodox traditional Jewish 21 year old at the Yale political Union. The Yale Political Union is the nation’s largest student debating society where students engage each other as well as some of the world’s greatest political, academic and social minds in academic debate and learning.
The debate was lively and some of the questions included destigmatizing sex, whether sex is something we should be “modest” about—and what effect does that have on sexual culture and sexual crime, and can sex only be meaningful within a long-term monogamous relationship.
In the interest of full disclosure, the young Orthodox Jewish student was my son. It gave me a great deal of pleasure to watch a full spectrum of voices discussing sex in such an open and accepting manner, and I can only hope this will work as a model for (many!) future discussions about sex.
For more information about the debate, please click here: http://broadrecognition.com/politics/a-frank-exchange-of-views-betty-dodson-comes-to-the-yale-political-union/
Tags: Betty Dodson, bisexual, feminist, Jewish, monogamy, Orthodox, sex, sexual culture, Yale
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Thursday, March 29th, 2012 by Barbara Gross, LMSW
The previous blog entry talked about the health benefits of orgasms for men. What are the health benefits of orgasms for Women? There are many. In a 2002 study of 293 women, a psychologist found that “sexually active participants whose male partners did not use condoms were less subject to depression than those whose partners did. One theory of causality is prostaglandin, a hormone found only in semen, may be absorbed in the female genital tract, and modulates female hormones, potentially reducing depression.” Of course semen enters the vagina even without orgasm, but some theorist believe that with orgasm, semen is more effectively brought into the vaginal canal and uterus. I am not condoning un-protected sex unless you and your partner have both been tested, however, it is an interesting fact.
Semen also seems to have dental benefits. “Seminal plasma contains zinc, calcium and other minerals shown to retard tooth decay,” states an article published in Forbes by Alan Farnham. Who knew?
The other fabulous benefit of orgasms for women is pain reduction. Farnham’s article states, “Immediately before orgasm, levels of the hormone oxytocin surge to 5 times their normal level. This, in turn, releases endorphins, which alleviates the pain of everything from headache to arthritis to migraine. In women sex also prompts estrogen production which can reduce the pain of PMS.” Though these are certainly interesting facts the reason I see as most compelling for having orgasms is that they just make sex feel better. It is quite an obvious fact and yet many, many women I see do not make it a priority. Part of my job is to enable them to experience this for themselves. Through medications, hormones and/or vibrators, most women can have good orgasms. Unfortunately, 5 percent of women can’t have them at all, but that has not stopped us from trying to help them too. Most women can and they sometimes just need a little help along the way.
Tags: Alan Farnham, condoms, endorphins, Forbes, hormone, orgasms, oxytocin, prostglandin, semen, seminal plasma, the Medical Center for Female Sexuality, vaginal canal, women, women and orgasms, zinc
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Tuesday, March 20th, 2012 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD
An article published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy (“Vibrator Use Among Heterosexual Men Varies by Partnership Status: Results From a Nationally Representative Study in the United States”), states that 44% of heterosexual men have used a vibrator at some point in their lives. In most cases they’ve used it with a partner, but in some cases they’ve also used it alone.
So here are some of my thoughts and pointers on vibrators and men – pay special attention if you’re a guy:
- Check and see if your partner is interested in trying a vibrator.
- Encourage your partner to use a vibrator, especially if she is having trouble with orgasm.
- Try both a light and strong vibrator – each of you will have a different “vibration need.” Too strong and you may (or she) may feel “numbed out.” Too weak and you might find yourselves yawning and pulling out the Scrabble set.
- Play with positioning. I had one patient who said her partner loved her to keep the vibrator on under her bottom while they were having intercourse. He could feel the vibrations and it felt great.
- Like with everything else… a sense of humor is crucial, so keep you mind open and your laugh ready.
And have a great time.
Tags: Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, men, Men and Vibrators, orgasm, sex, vibrator, Vibrator Use Among Heterosexual Men Varies by Partnership Status: Results From a Nationally Representative Study in the United States
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Thursday, March 15th, 2012 by Barbara Gross, LMSW
The Female Brain, by Louann Brizendine is definitely worth reading. Brizendine completed her degree in Neurobiology at UC Berkeley, graduated from Yale School of Medicine and did her internship and residency at Harvard Medical School. She founded the Women’s Mood and Hormone Clinic in 1994 and continues to serve as the clinic’s director. The Female Brain is her first book and she has just published The Male Brain. Though she comes from a research background, she makes the book accessible and fun to read.
Brizendine walks the reader through all the phases of a woman’s life and how her hormones and brain chemistry are affecting her at each stage. Her research is particularly valuable because it helps to explain what is going on biologically. When we see women at the Center they have often been told by previous practitioners that their ailment is all in their head. What is particularly frustrating is the countless women that put off getting treatment because they feel if it is in their heads and they should be able to cope with it themselves. This book proves that women’s symptoms are frequently not caused by something psychological or emotional.
Brizendine beautifully explains how interconnected all the systems of the body are. When the hormones peak and drop the chemicals in the brain are also affected. This is part of what happens when women go through menopause, the estrogen drops, sometimes making sleep impossible and possibly dopamine drops which can lower one’s mood and make orgasms more difficult. Women should know this information; the more educated we are about our bodies the easier it is to manage the constant flux these hormones and neurochemicals are putting us through.
Brizendine also treats women with hormones and psychopharmaceuticals. At the Center, we find these treatments are extremely effective in managing issues from low desire to premenstrual syndrome. The first step towards a healthy sexual relationship with yourself and anyone else is through knowledge. I highly recommend it!
Tags: brain chemistry, hormones, Louann Brizendine, menopause, Neurobiology, orgasms, The Female Brain, The Male Brain, the Medical Center for Female Sexuality, UC Berkeley, Women's Mood and Hormone Clinic, Yale School of Medicine
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Tuesday, March 13th, 2012 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD
I was speaking to a group of rabbinical students yesterday, and after the talk I was challenged by a young rabbi-to-be. He said that while I talked about sex being safe, consensual and fun, I had left out all references to it being “meaningful” or “holy.”
He was partially correct. I struggle with what it means to have sex be a “holy” experience, although I believe it can be one of the most transcendent and meaningful experiences one can ever have. I struggle because having been raised in a fairly religious environment, I saw firsthand how much damage can be done by putting the full weight of holiness on the experience. I struggle because I think that there can be moments of holiness in sex, but that trying to make every sexual experience “meaningful” is both unrealistic and a set up for failure. I struggle because while I think sex in a specific context (within a committed relationship for example) is in and of itself a holy act, I am not at all sure exactly what that means for the action of sex itself.
In truth, when he was talking about holiness, he was arguing using language that I would define as “mutual.” Sex should not be a selfish act; it should not be all about one person’s pleasure but about considering the other person in the equation. And I agree whole-heartedly, but I’m just not sure that ultimately defines “holiness”.
In a practical way, I believe Judaism, the religion I’m most familiar with, defines any sexual activity between a husband and wife as holy because it is taking place within a sanctified relationship. It doesn’t require any special thought or intent or limit to the type of activity. It just is holy by definition. But I think for many people that may take the romance out of the concept of holiness.
I guess when I think about holiness I often think about transcendence, moving beyond yourself and perhaps the other person you are with to reach and connect, in some way, with a higher being, power, G-d.
I suppose that does happen sometimes during sex, but I would argue that it is a rare occurrence, and not especially one that would be useful to try for on a regular basis. That’s a large burden for a sexual relationship to carry, especially if you want to encourage regular, ongoing sex. So perhaps holy sex is something we can strive for or even something you just remain open to… and then if you’re lucky sometimes your sex life can become an entry way into something deeper and more profound.
In the end this is something I struggle with. What is “holy sex?” I’m not really sure and I’d love readers thoughts on this.
Tags: holiness, Holy Sex, Judaism, marriage, rabbinical, relationship, sanctified relationship
Posted in sex life, sexual health, Uncategorized | 4 Comments »
Thursday, March 8th, 2012 by Barbara Gross, LMSW
I am referring to how long penetration should optimally last. Many women I see at the Center have pain with intercourse. Pain during intercourse can come from many things: dryness, low hormone levels, vaginismus and/or vulvodynia. Sometimes pain is simply the result of intercourse lasting too long. So when I see a patient who is suffering from pain from penetration I always ask her, “ how long is intercourse lasting?” Women seem to be shy when answering this question. Often, if they say 20 or 30 minutes, we say, “What?! That is a long time.”
If you are someone who suffers from pain with intercourse you have to figure out what the cause is. Most women do not like long periods of penetration though they feel they should. Just like the myths about women easily having orgasms from intercourse, myths about duration of intercourse also persist.
An article published in 2008 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, titled, “Canadian and American sex therapists’ perceptions of normal and abnormal ejaculatory latencies: how long should intercourse last?” by Corty and Guardini said anything between 3 and 13 minutes is normal. I agree! Men and women find so many reasons to feel bad about themselves. Now that the word is out that anything between 3 and 13 minutes is normal, maybe everyone can relax. The point is to have satisfying pain free sex, and not to be concerned with how long or short it is.
Tags: average time intercourse, Corty, Guardini, Intercourse, Journal of Sexual Medicine, orgasms, pain free sex, penetration
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Tuesday, March 6th, 2012 by Tara Ford, RPA-C
I gave a lecture on Female Sexuality and Empowerment to a group of college students the other day. To my surprise, there were more men than women in the group. As the group was smaller in size than expected, we were able to have a more interactive discussion. The group was enthusiastic about learning about female sexuality, especially when the discussion turned towards orgasm and the ways in which women can experience an orgasm.
When I asked the question, “What percentage of women experience an orgasm during intercourse?” I got many different answers. The men seemed pretty confident in their answers of 80-90% while the women sat smirking and shaking their heads no. One brave woman raised her hand and said, “I think it’s much lower, like 30%!” This time the men smirked.
Well, the young woman was right! Many of the male’s jaws dropped open when I explained that only 30% of women experience an orgasm during intercourse, while the other females look relieved.
Although it may seem like a dysfunction, it’s not. Quite simply, male and female bodies are different. Men derive great pleasure when their penis is stimulated; women derive great pleasure when their clitoris is stimulated. I handed out a picture detailing female anatomy and made sure everyone knew where the clitoris was located. There are more nerve endings in the clitoris than there are in the tip of the penis. There are far fewer nerve endings inside the vagina so it only makes sense that a woman’s clitoris is the main source for orgasm. During intercourse the clitoris is usually not stimulated. The closer your clitoris is to the entrance to the vagina the greater the chance you have of having an orgasm during intercourse, but for the great majority of females, this just isn’t the case.
I had brought with me several types of vibrators and after the giggles quieted down, I discussed the differences between battery operated and plug-in vibrators. I discussed that many women can achieve orgasm from using a vibrator and how they can be incorporated during intercourse. The same young woman blurted out, “…so it just makes sense to use a vibrator during intercourse then, right?”
I couldn’t help but smile, “Yes, yes it does.”
Tags: clitoris, college students, empowerment, female sexuality, Intercourse, orgasm, Penis, sexuality, the Medical Center for Female Sexuality, vibrators
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