Sometimes I think we would all benefit from having more conversations about sex with our partners. When parents describe how difficult a time they have talking to the kids about sex it feels as though a big part of the problem is actually never having developed the messages they want to give. They think they know what they want to say about premarital sex, but when they go to articulate it, they realize they don’t have the parameters clearly defined for themselves. So then it is much more difficult to talk about.
When I give classes to parents of teens they always say “oh, I know my values…” but when I then ask them to articulate them, they start to hem and haw. Part of them wants to tell their kids not to have sex until they are 23 and engaged and half of them want to tell kids to do what feels good. They aren’t clear about what kind of sex is okay at age 15 and what kind is okay at 18. It’s pretty confusing. So the one strong piece of advice I always give parents is tell each other (out loud) what you want to tell your kids. Ask each other questions, just like you think the kids will ask. In other words, practice.
In the meantime, read this and hopefully you will laugh out loud, like I did.