Archive for March, 2010

Erectile dysfunction is strong predictor of fatal heart ailments, study finds

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010 by Michael A. Werner MD

Men treated for ED should routinely be checked for cardiovascular problems, experts say.

For the first time, researchers have shown that erectile dysfunction is a strong predictor of the likelihood that men will die of heart disease.  Researchers have long suspected the connection between ED and heart disease, but now there is evidence that there is increased risk of heart attack and death among men with ED.

This has to do with the small arteries in the penis;  those arteries can become blocked (and cause ED) before arteries in the heart do.

In the five years of follow-up in the German study among 1,519 men from 13 countries , men with ED were 1.9 times as likely to die from heart disease, twice as likely to have a heart attack, 1.2 times as likely to be hospitalized for heart failure and 1.1 times more likely to have a stroke.

The abstract from the study can be viewed at:

http://circ.ahajournals.org/cgi/content/abstract/CIRCULATIONAHA.109.864199v1

“My husband Wants to have Sex Everyday” and other popular myths…

Friday, March 26th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

To be filed under the “I wish I had a nickel every time a patient said this to me.”

Women with low libidos always think their husbands want to have sex every day. When I am doing an intake with a woman who is having sex (because she feels obligated) say, once every 3 weeks, I will ask her how often  her partner wants to have sex. Invariably she looks at me like I am the village idiot and says “My husband wants to have sex everyday…  of course.”    The subtext being that all men want to have sex every day.

 Sorry, but I must disabuse you of this notion. Most men over the age of 19 really don’t want to have sex every day. They get tired too, you know. However, men who are not having any satisfying sex, or men who feel like their partners never want to have sex, often feel as though they want to have sex every day.  It may be on their minds constantly; they may be worried about it all the time and every night they may be thinking… is this the night I’m going to get to have sex?!

Think about it. If you love chocolate fudge and you had a box of it sitting there which you couldn’t eat and you didn’t know when you’d finally be able to have a piece, you’d probably be thinking about the fudge all the time! But that doesn’t mean if the fudge was readily available whenever you wanted it, you’d eat it all day long!

 The same is true about sex. When these women’s libidos are back to normal, and they are happily having sex, they aren’t having sex every day.  Their perfectly human husbands want sex regularly, but not every day.  If you doubt this, here’s a suggestion: try initiating sex every night. It never fails, by the end of week two your partner will be looking at you funny and asking if it’d be okay to wait until tomorrow night. 

And for a woman whose libido is back in check, tomorrow is perfectly ok!

Smart kids and sex

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

We have every excuse in the book why we don’t talk to our children about sex. A favorite one is: “they are  not ready.”   I think we really like to believe that our children are innocent and can’t handle information on sex. That is just not true and study after study suggests that the more we talk to our kids about sex the more correct information they have, the more responsible they are and the later they become sexually active.

But in case you still have any doubts,  here’s a fun statistic quoted in my favorite parenting/sex book , Everything you Never Wanted Your Kids To Know about Sex but Were Afraid They’d Ask (see our blog posting that delves into this book a little more: 

http://www.centerforfemalesexuality.com/blog/2008/03/07/talking-to-kids-about-sex/

The average age in America when a child can articulate correctly how children are conceived and born is 11. The average age in Britain is 9. And the average age in the Netherlands is 7!! So unless you think that the kids in the Netherlands are somehow inherently smarter, you’ll have to admit it’s cultural!

Start talking. Trust me, your kids can handle it.

desire and depression

Friday, March 19th, 2010 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, DHS

Sometimes, when women come into the center with low desire we talk to them about anti=depressants.  The reaction isn’t always good:   “You think I’m depressed? I’mhere to talk about my lack of sex drive!”

Life situations and hormones can play a role in depression.  Serotonin, the hormone normally associated with depression, isn’t the only culprit.  Testosterone may also have an effect on mood.  As an essential hormone needed for desire, low Testosterone levels may contribute to mild feelings of depression as well as low desire for sex.

 So it would make sense that if a women is experiencing low desire, she may also have low testosterone levels and that may be affected her moods. 

If your relationship is unstable lately, or if life is stressful and you haven’t had appropriate time to give to yourself and your partner, you may feel ‘down’ and exhausted from dealing with this.    You may miss the comfort of a loving connection, you may feel lonely and estranged. You may wonder when you’ll have the chance to focus on sex in your life without the myriad interruptions we experience.  Who wouldn’t be a little depressed!

When we prescribe treatment for low desire, after conducting significant blood work and a physical exam,  we investigate levels of testosterone along with other hormones.  Depending upon the patient, treatment will be individualized; but the message is same:  your depression may or may not be the ‘I can’t get out of bed’ kind of depression, but mild or low grade depression can go hand in hand with low interest in sex .  Although people may have a negative association with depression and anti-depressants, it is completely normal to experience some depression with a lack of desire. 

So, don’t be afraid to bring up the issue of low desire with your practitioner.  You may find yourself solving more than one problem when you when you do.

From the sex counselors point of view…

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, DHS

Often people will ask me how I got into this field and why I do what I do.  First, let me explain what I do.  I work with women who have sexual dysfunction and help to treat from a behavioral and medical standpoint.  These issues range from low desire, difficulty with arousal and lubrication, difficulty with orgasm, and pain issues.  We utilize a number of treatment options at the Medical Center for Female Sexuality and the integration of sexual counselors and nurse practitioners make for a unique model. 

 Now…Why does someone get into this field?  At times people will look at me strangely for talking with people about sexuality.  I think some are even surprised that a job like this exists.  Even when I explain, I don’t think people really get it.  I find great personal satisfaction knowing I have helped someone, in this case, helping with sexual issues.  Often people in ‘helping’ professions feel that is a calling and I couldn’t agree more; again in my case I am helping someone improve their sex lives.  Sex at times can get mitigated.  People may even be judged as shallow, based on a “sex isn’t everything” attitude.  But sexuality is an integral part of who we are and the relationships we keep.  It is a non-verbal way of communicating with our partners.  At times, the sex in our relationships become strained and then affects other aspects of our relationship.  Just like a medical doctor may be proud of conducting a successful surgery, I feel proud when I can help a woman orgasm for the first time.  Or when her desire increases and she tells me she enjoys having sex again; or enjoys it for the first time in her life.  Again, it is more than just SEX!  This is about people’s lives and relationships. 

If you are seeking treatment for a sexual dysfunction, please contact our center.  There are specialists waiting to help with your problem.  All of us here at the center take great pride this type of work and are non-judgmental.  So don’t be nervous or afraid, you are in good hands.  www.centerorfemalesexuality.com

For the mothers of teen girls…

Friday, March 12th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

 I just discovered a fun new book: Deal With it:  A Whole new Approach to Your Body, Brain and Life. (By Drill, McDonald and Odes) It’s not a new book, but it’s chatty, comprehensive and fun to read. But it’s very explicit and so you may want to check it out and make sure you’re comfortable with your daughter having the book. There are books out there for younger girls. However, in general, my tendency is to assume that kids have way more information than we parents suspect, so generally the more accurate information I can give them the better.

Teaching Kids about Sex

Friday, March 5th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

There is so much controversy about how to teach kids about sex. In general I’m a proponent of “the more you know, the more prepared you are and the better choices you can make.” Recently a new curriculum came out that was touted as “abstinence only.” That tends to be a major red flag for those of us in the field. But then a respected colleage, a v.p for education at Planned Parenthood, Catherine Dukes PhD had this to say:

Here at Planned Parenthood of Delaware we always support comprehensive age-appropriate sex-positive evidence-based approaches. In fact, the evidence based curriculum Making Proud Choices! is what we use most often with our teenage youth. The authors of that curriculum are: Loretta Sweet Jemmott, John Jemmott, and Konnie McCaffree (President-Elect of SSSS). http://www.selectmedia.org/customer-service/evidence-based-curricula/making-proud-choices/

I saw Loretta Sweet Jemmot speak at a Delaware conference last year and again, I can assure you she is an advocate of comprehensive sex ed and science-based approaches. We even offer training to teachers and youth-service providers on this curriculum: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/delaware/ed-workshops-29159.htm

There is so much controversy about how to teach kids about sex. In general I’m a proponent of “the more you know, the more prepared you are and the better choices you can make.” Recently a new curriculum came out that was touted as “abstinence only.” That tends to be a major red flag for those of us in the field.

But then a respected colleage, a v.p for education at Planned Parenthood, Catherine Dukes PhD had this to say:
Here at Planned Parenthood of Delaware we always support comprehensive age-appropriate sex-positive evidence-based approaches. In fact, the evidence based curriculum Making Proud Choices! is what we use most often with our teenage youth. The authors of that curriculum are: Loretta Sweet Jemmott, John Jemmott, and Konnie McCaffree (President-Elect of SSSS) http://www.selectmedia.org/customer-service/evidence-based-curricula/making-proud-choices/

I saw Loretta Sweet Jemmot speak at a Delaware conference last year and again, I can assure you she is an advocate of comprehensive sex ed and science-based approaches. We even offer training to teachers and youth-service providers on this curriculum:http://www.plannedparenthood.org/delaware/ed-workshops-29159.htm When I saw the ab-only study results I was surprised but then comforted that the author of the study / main researcher was Dr. John Jemmot. He is a known credible researcher and comprehensive sex ed curricula autho and a supporter of science-based approaches.

So you may want to check out more!
http://nsrc.sfsu.edu/article/abstinence_only

Women’s Sexuality Changes Through Life.

Friday, March 5th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

Don’t we know it?

What you loved when you were 18 might be totally different than what gets you going at 30 and may be completely different than what turns you on at 45.  Different life experience make us appreciate new things, new images may become imbedded in our brains, we may become more experimental or more conservative.  That’s life.

But what we don’t always take into account is how the physical changes in our body may also change as we age. I just saw one of our long-time patients here yesterday. She’s a wonderful woman who came to us about 4 years ago, distraught. She was depressed, her relationship was on the rocks and her sex life non-existent. Over the course of six-to-eight months, we worked with her, carefully addressed the obstacles in her sex life,  and her life gradually turned around. No longer depressed, with a renewed satisfying sex life, her relationship was back on track and she was one happy woman.  She stayed on the same regimen for about 4 years and things were fine.

Yesterday she came for one of her twice-a-year follow up visits. Things weren’t so great. She is going through menopause and it’s hitting her pretty hard. She’s having a harder time reaching orgasm. Her desire seems to be sliding a bit. I was so happy she was here; before things got really bad we could intervene. Together we worked out a new plan and over the course of the next few months we’ll keep working with her until things feel right again.

The take home message is this:  in order for us to address our needs as we change, first, we need to acknowledge and accept that we change. Our bodies, our minds, our relationships: nothing is static. In fact, change is what keeps things spiced up, interesting, moving forward.  We wouldn’t really want them to remain static, would we?

But sometimes we have a hard time internalizing the fact that what works for us right now won’t work for us forever. And it’s hard for us to identify the times we need to take stock and re-assess what we’re doing and what might work better. The important message is this:  Keep an eye on your needs. If they’re not being met, perhaps there are changes in your mind or body or lifestyle that have also altered what makes you happy, sexy, satisfied.  The more we accept this our dynamic lives, the faster we can find healthy, productive solutions to the challenges we face.

Embrace change. It may even be fun.

Apology Letter to a Vibrator

Monday, March 1st, 2010 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, DHS

Dear Vibrator,

I am so sorry.  I placed you in a drawer months ago and have not sought you out since.  Please understand, though I enjoyed you, I got nervous that this may be the only way I can orgasm.  My orgasms with you were intense and powerful and would occur like clock-work 10 minutes into vibrations.  I enjoyed them so much.  I guess I started to feel bad that I was enjoying my orgasms this much with something so artificial.  I became embarrassed.  I wouldn’t even tell my husband that I was using it; I didn’t want him knowing I was using a sex toy.  It was a shame too,  because there were so many ways I could have used you to help me orgasm during sex with him!  Again, I was embarrassed.  So now it is six months later.  It takes me much longer to orgasm using my hand and because of that I’ve kind of lost interest!  Did I really forgo all of that pleasure because of embarrassment?  Is not having orgasms a better alternative than having one with you? 

Recently, I went to the medical center for female sexuality about this orgasm issue.  The women there were very open, positive and non-judgmental.  They were very encouraging about using vibrators, especially during intercourse.  They helped me to realize this can be part of a healthy sex life and that my partner might actually like it too!  They had lots of vibrators to show me so I could touch them and see how they worked.  I couldn’t believe the variety.  So I bought one and decided to try again!

So vibrator, I am writing this to let you know I am sorry for treating you the way I did, and I promise to take you out from time to time and have you play with my husband and I.  Also, to let you know, now you have some competition!

Thank you for the good times and the times that are ahead of us.

Yours truly,

A satisfied customer.