Choosing the right vibrator can be intimidating.  Where can I purchase one?  Do I have to go into a sex toy shop?  What if someone I know sees me there?!  I’m not even sure what I want. 

First off, if you’re reading this then you’ve already decided to try a vibrator.  Bravo for you!  Either you’re interested in bringing your sex life to another level with your partner or on your own, or you’re attempting to help yourself resolve a possible issue you’re having with sex and orgasm.  Either way, you’ve taken an empowering step in achieving what you want and need in your sex life.  Vibrators can help you to orgasm, or orgasm more quickly, or make your orgasms stronger. Bravo again!

Sex toy shops may seem awkward or uncomfortable to some, but once inside many appear like a typical store with displays and helpful and knowledgeable sales people.    In New York City, there are sex toys shops run by women, for women which also paves the way for easier inquiries. 

But if you are still nervous about going into a store, you can always go online.  Sites like www.adameve.com or www.babeland.com offer quality products in a respectful online environment.  Surprisingly, even sites like www.amazon.com offer vibrators and lubricants.  And you can browse for as long as you like. 

There are many different types of vibrators.  Some are meant to go inside the vagina, others are meant to go on the clitoris.  They come either with batteries or get plugged into an electric socket.  So you have to ask yourself: which would I prefer?   There are also vibrators that would be considered “multifunctional” which offers both clitoral stimulation AND stimulation in the vagina.  If it is your first time using a vibrator, experience is the best test: you may just have to try different types until you find which one you like the best.

In our practice at the Medical Center for Female Sexuality, we have many different types of vibrators for women to touch and see so they get an idea of what they may like, without just looking at pictures.  And we’re working on some plans for sharing helpful information with our patients and their friends on success with sex, including the use of vibrators . Comment below if you think this is a good idea. Would you come to a medical center and attend a seminar like this?  I’d like to know what you think.

Recently, I started seeing a patient in his early 40’s, dating a 39 year old woman.  It was clear that he was crazy about her and wanted to marry her.  I reminded him that if they wanted to have children, sooner was much better than later to start trying.

He said that he needed to get good erections and settle his professional affairs before he could get married and start trying to have children.

I told him I could get him the erections, but that he should not wait to get all of his professional affairs in order to move ahead with his personal life, as it may be too late at that point. And besides, why wait when the really meaningful stuff of life can start now?

He agreed, and I gave him a virtually painless injection using a medication available by prescription, making it quite inexpensive for him. 

He got an excellent erection.

Here is what he reported at our next meeting:  He drove to her house. They had sex for two hours.  After her second climax, he got down on bended knee,  and proposed.

She happily accepted.  They then had sex again.

At this point they are making wedding plans, and are trying to conceive.

It was a good day for all three of us!

(I would bet their parents are pleased as well, as long as they don’t have to hear all of the details.)

My mother was my first “sex educator” and spoke to me openly about sex, love, relationships and intimacy.  When I started progressing in my academic career, my father became more relaxed and also would share words of wisdom about relationships.  One of the many things that stuck in my head from them was the importance of taking a vacation with your partner.  Couples need time away, together, without the typical stressors we experience at home, such as: work, kids, exhaustion and daily household chores.  Vacations offer us a time where we don’t have to worry or stress much about anything.  In addition, you are in an environment different from home which can spice things up in it of itself.  You can enjoy the alone time without looking around at the list of other things you need to get accomplished.  Vacations do not have to be elaborate trips to Europe or Hawaii, although those are wonderful too!  You can plan a short weekend or even just an over night stay.  Bed and breakfasts usually offer a quaint, romantic setting, often for a reasonable price.  Or if you enjoy the outdoors, camping could fit anyone’s budge. 

Through the hussle and bustle of everyday life and stress, it is important for couples to take time for themselves and reconnect.   Vacations provide insentive, something to look forward to when we are stressed.  They also remind us of why we do what we do, why work as hard as we do.  And sometimes, we all need a little reminder.

Sexual fantasies are:

(A)  Silly

(B)   A waste of time

(C)  An important component to sexual desire, arousal and orgasm.

If you said “C” you are correct!  Sexual fantasy can be an important part of what drives our desire and our response.   Fantasies can be anything you desire.  Maybe you are imagining a setting like a beach or in the rain.  Many times what we fantasize about isn’t necessarily something we want to come true.  For example, you may have a thrilling fantasy like having sex in an elevator, nervous and scared that at any minute…the door can open!  Now this doesn’t mean you actually want to have sex in the elevator in which you work or live at.  It just may mean you like the thought of something being daring, without it actually being daring in real life. 

Over 90% of couples fantsize about someone other than their partner.  Again, this doesn’t mean you want to have sex with someone other than your partner, but it is a way to explore and imagine something different, without going outside the parameters of your relationship.

Fantasies let us explore different situations, people and sexual behaviors in a safe, healthy way.  The brain after all is the biggest sex organ.  Fantasizing can often bring people to orgasm quicker than if they had no sexual thoughts going on in their mind.  Many people have a “GO TO”  fantasy.  A “GO TO” fantasy is a fantasy you often revisit in your head, that can bring an orgasm on fairly quickly, with sufficient stimulation.  So explore different thoughts and sexual fantasies to find which fantasies work best for you.

Recently, there has been alot of negative attention on “Sexting”.  Sexting, is sending sexually suggestive text messages via phone.  These text may come in the form of written words, or sexual images.  This hot topic has been discussed in main stream media because some teenagers have been sending naked images to friends or sexual partners.  One teen may possibly be brought up on child pornography charges for sending naked pictures to her boyfriend. 

Though sexting has receive negative attention with young kids, lets focus on the positives for adults!  Sending your partner a text message during the day about what you want to do to them later that night, can be very erotic and a turn on.  Then the rest of the day you can look forward to what might take place.  Or after a great night of sex or even dinner, the next day send them a short message to let them know.  Don’t be afraid to be a little dirty!  You may find it is easier to say “I want to suck/lick your ….. tonight” in a text as opposed to out loud…or “I can’t wait to _____ you tonight”.  Use your imagination to fill in the blanks.  Or even sweet messages to say “I love you” or “last night was so inimate, I have been thinking about you all day”.  And if you have a camera on your phone, send some pictures.  They don’t all have to be X-rated!  Some pictures may be more seductive if you aren’t really showing much of anything.  But play with it and have fun!  Let the sexplay (aka foreplay) start earlier in the day so you have something to look forward to when you get home.