Sometimes I think I must be living in a cocoon. In my world, sex toys, vibrators in particular, are totally accepted. They are not shocking at all — kind of like up there with a bra.

For example, you probably wouldn’t yell out at a cocktail party: “oh yes, and this morning I bought this fantastic pink lacy bra.” On the other hand you’d be perfectly comfortable telling your mother, your girlfriends or even a saleswoman about the great deal you just got on the aforementioned bra.

That’s kind of how I’ve come to think about vibrators! A bit personal, but a regular part of life and certainly not “kinky.” Clearly I’m a bit out of step here and have given the “public” a bit too much credit.

Recently there was an television “discussion” about the acceptability of vibrators. Thankfully Barbara Walters (my personal hero) was on the right side of this one! Anyhow, you might want to check this out.

Then you too can be part of the vibrator “controversy!” 

http://television.aol.com/tvtop5/preemptive-strike-lost/17669859001/auto

There are enormous benefits to touch and massage, such as:

·        Release endorphins—which helps us feel well and balanced

·        Reduce stress

·        Enhanced sleep quality.

·        Greater energy. Reduced fatigue.

·        Decreases depression and anxiety.

·        Improved concentration.

·        Increased circulation.

·        Enhance immunity by stimulating lymph flow and blood flow

·        Improve the condition of the body’s largest organ—the skin.

·        Pump oxygen and nutrients into tissues and vital organs, improving circulation.

·        And one of the most important benefits…the release of the hormone Oxytocin, which is facilitated through touch, also nicknamed the love hormone because of its bonding qualities.

But often we think of massage as a luxurious treatment one must pay good money for.  But massages can happen in the home too, for a lot less, if you have a willing partner!  First, invest in some massage oil. Kama Sutra offers many different scents as well as a wide array of textures, and even some that are edible.  Take the bottle and either heat it up in the microwave or like a baby’s bottle in hot water.  Take turns massaging each other. Allot time at the end of the day, or when your partner comes home from work to do so. 

Try this experiment everyday or every other day for 2 weeks and see if you noticed any changes in your partner or yourself.  Do you notice that you seem like you are overall in a better mood?  Do you feel less stressed?  Do you notice you start to crave that touch and connection with your partner?  It is such a simple thing, touch, but can have such profound effects on our relationships and overall well being.

Just the other day I was asked a question from a man who wanted to increase the frequency of intercourse within his relationship.  He was very concerned with how he would approach this to his female partner, afraid that his request would deem him a “horn dog” or a “typical male” who is just concerned with sex.  I was somewhat taken back by this notion, that even in a relationship, a request for more sex is “dirty” or in some way wrong.  I felt bad for this gentleman who felt the need to justify how much he loved his partner and how it was more than just “getting off” for him.  I would support him in his request for more sex whether it was to build more intimacy or just to get off more!   Usually though, if a male requests more sex, a common response may be, “Of course he wants more sex, he is a man!”    Society tends to stereotype men as unemotional creatures, as sex fiends who do not enjoy the intimacy sex can bring to a relationship.  Believing in this stereotype diminishes men’s experiences and only speaks of sex as a physical act, not an emotional, psychological, and spiritual one.  One common sexual dysfunction that both men and women may suffer from is a low libido or low desire.  In order to avoid any activity, some will refrain from all intimate contact, such as hugging and cuddling, for fear that it will lead ultimately to intercourse.   When this happens, the couple not only looses the physical act of love, but it also begins to affect the emotional, psychological and spiritual components of the relationship.  Men are no exception to this, and a common complaint from them when their partners have low deisre or no longer want sex, is that they miss the intimacy and affection.  Sex is physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual, together making up a very important part of an individual’s sexual identity.     

Want to access another positive, affirming, helpful blog on sex?  Here’s one to try.

http://drsueannmark.com/wordpress/

Okay, I’ll admit it, I’m biased…the woman who writes that blog was an advisor on my dissertation committee. (The dissertation, by the way, was on women’s use of vibrators!) Anyhow, she’s wonderful and her blog’s wondeful! Have fun.