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Archive for December, 2008
Women's Sexual Health Newsletter
Monday, December 29th, 2008Sexy Holiday Traditions…
Wednesday, December 24th, 2008If you don’t already have a sexy holiday tradition now is a great time to start. I have one male client who likes nothing more than to see his wife topless so every year on Christmas Eve she comes to bed wearing nothing but the bottom half of a holiday costume. One year it was Santa’s pants, boots and belt. Another year it was green elf pants. The gesture inevitably leads to passionate love making of course. I have another couple that starts every Christmas morning by taking turns giving each other the gift of oral sex. What a great way to save money on wrapping paper! The opportunities are endless and the possibilities are unlimited. A magical life of sex and intimacy is only limited by our imagination and commitment to make sex a priority. www.doctorcannon.com
oohhhh this gets me so mad
Monday, December 22nd, 2008The new york times style section had an article by a woman who complained of low libido… “I’m just more interested in finding the right marble for my kitchen than I am in sex.” (Or something quite similar) she say. Augggg… that’s fine. IF it were fine with her partner. But her poor husband is now stuck in a no-sex marriage. Exactly how long with that last??????? And why is that okay???
Here’s a link to the article:
AND HERE’S MY RESPONSE!
To The Editor
One wonders whether Ms. Slater’s marriage can really survive, (“Deeply, Truly (but not physically) in Love.” Sunday, November 30th.) Sex in a relationship is not just another “hobby” or adjunct activity; it is a major thread and pulling it out all too often leads to the unraveling of the entire fabric. The situation would not be fundamentally different from one in which an individual decides that they are no longer interested in having conversations with their partner. Perhaps they find that communicating in a long term relationship just isn’t as interesting as it used to be or as some of their other projects. Would we nod in agreement if they said to their frustrated partner “I hope you can understand? Perhaps you can find someone else to talk with?” Whether or not Ms. Slater has a “dysfunction” is irrelevant. There are certainly couples who have agreed, either explicitly or tacitly, no longer to communicate verbally. Certainly a couple has the right to make that decision regarding their sex life as well, but if so it needs to be a joint decision by the couple.
Ms. Slater’s description reads much like a couple in which one partner is depressed, knows it is severely effecting the relationship and is aware that there are treatments but does not go for help. Usually the couple does not come out stronger for it.
Ms. Slater knows there may be help. She owes it to herself and her partner to seek it out. Or, alternatively, her husband can follow her advice and go have sex with someone else. Perhaps he will fall in love. Sexual expression is no less important or valuable than verbal communication and he deserves no less in a full relationship. Ms. Slater, in the meantime, will always have her granite.
Here's an article I found fascinating…orgasm during childbirth!
Monday, December 15th, 2008“Orgasms During Childbirth?
By LISA BELKIN
Illustration by Barry FallsFirst thing next month (Friday January 2) will be the primetime debut of a film that has been making the “under the radar” rounds of women and film festivals since May. ABC’s 20/20 will air the documentary “Orgasmic Birth”, by Debra Pascali-Bonaro, a childbirth educator and a doula, which asks the question: What would happen if women were taught to enjoy birth rather than endure it?
Some women will see this film as a declaration of emancipation from the medicalization of childbirth. Others will see it as yet one more way to raise expectations and make new mothers feel inadequate if they do not experience the “ideal” birth.
The message of the film is “that women can journey through labor and birth in all different ways. And there are a lot more options out there, to make this a positive and pleasurable experience,” Pascali-Bonaro tells ABC. “I hope women watching and men watching don’t feel that what we’re saying is every woman should have an orgasmic birth.”
But the title certainly catches attention, referring to what Pascali-Bonaro calls “the best kept secret” of child birth – that some women report having an orgasm as the baby exits the birth canal.
Tamra Larter experienced that while Pascali-Bonaro’s cameras were rolling. She and her husband, Simon, opted to have their second child in their suburban New Jersey home, and through most of the hours of labor the couple was kissing and caressing.
“The physical touch and nurturing was just really comforting to me,” Larter told ABC. Of the orgasmic birth that resulted she said: “It was happening, and I could hardly breathe, and it was like, ‘oh, that feels good.’ That’s all I could say really.”
Christine Northrup, an OB-GYN and author of “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom” explains in the film that orgasms during labor are the results of chemistry and anatomy: “When the baby’s coming down the birth canal, remember, it’s going through the exact same positions as something going in, the penis going into the vagina, to cause an orgasm. And labor itself is associated with a huge hormonal change in the body, way more prolactin, way more oxytocin, way more beta-endorphins — these are the molecules of ecstasy.”
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Comment from Bat Sheva… sometimes I think we have to rethink our entire attitude about sex, pain, pleasure and health…
Better sex with Santa…
Friday, December 12th, 2008The key to enhancing sex and intimacy during the holidays is twofold. The first step is to create the intention of bringing the joy of the season into the bedroom. A little mistletoe on the top of the headboard can act as a loving reminder. The second step is to identify holiday landmines and create a plan to minimize them. The most common holiday stressors for couples are money, family, over-indulgence and over-committing. So if you want to have better sex with Mr. or Mrs. Claus, avoid stepping in the reindeer dung by having a conversation with your partner about what would make this holiday season special and sexy for both of you. www.doctorcannon.com
Sex really IS important in a marriage!
Friday, December 12th, 2008You know the old saying… when sex is good it’s about 20% of a relationship. When it’s bad it’s 90%. Or… sex is like the third leg of a stool. If it’s there and steady you don’t notice it. If it’s missing, the whole stool starts to wobble! The reality is that I’ve seen this time and time again in a marriage. A couple comes in, so angry and upset. Or they are feeling distant or rejected. When we get their sex life back on track, somehow the whole thing just turns around. It’s never quite ceases to amaze me how sex in a relationship can make both partners feel so much better about themselves and each other!
So… go have sex.
Want to help with some research? (women)
Tuesday, December 9th, 2008Hi. When I am forwarded interesting surveys on female sexuality, I really like to help. There’s so little we know and so much to learn! So if you want to take part in an on-line anonymous survey — here’s a fairly short one which I think is worthwhile.
Subject:ONLINE WEB SURVEY – Genital Image/Sexual Functioning in Women
Dear all
At last I am launching my survey titled: The Effects of Genital Image and Body Image on Sexual Functioning in Women.I am looking for female subjects aged 18 and above. I would really appreciate it if you had 20mins to spare to complete the online survey.
Please send it on to your friends and colleagues too!
For more information please read the explanatory statement on the following website:
www.fhs.usyd.edu.au/sexualhealth/genitalimage
Frances D’Arcy-Tehan
Prop 8 the Musical
Sunday, December 7th, 2008Prop 8 has been getting much attention since the election in November. Some actors got together with Marc Shaiman, a composer for many Broadway shows to put together a parody musical of Prop 8. It is a funny look at how people perceive gay marriage and religion. They come to the final conclusion that gay marriage may save the economy. Click on the link to view.
What we might learn from our friends overseas…
Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008
Here’s a Press release you might find interesting. We knew it was true that Sweden was more progressive or open minded than we… but here’s further evidence
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National Coalition for Sexual Freedom
Sweden takes sexual behaviors off their disease list
November 26, 2008 – The Swedish National Board of Health and Welfare
is declassifying sexual behaviors as mental illnesses to avoid
strengthening prejudice against the behaviors, the Swedish news
service Tidningarnas Telegrambyra reported last week. The diagnoses
which will soon disappear from the disease registry include
sadomasochism, fetishism, fetishistic transvestitism, transvestitism,
gender identity disorder in youth, and multiple disorders of sexual
preferences.
NCSF applauds Lars-Erik Holm, the head of the National Board of
Health and Welfare (Socialstyrelsen), who made the decision to
declassify the behaviors because they are not illnesses in and of
themselves, nor are they something perverse. “These diagnoses are
rooted in a time when everything other than the heterosexual
missionary position were seen as sexual perversions,” Holm said.
“The NCSF’s DSM Revision Project has the same goal to change or
remove these harmful diagnoses from the American Psychiatric
Association’s Diagnostic and Statistic Manual (DSM),” says Susan
Wright, spokesperson for NCSF. “We know from the hundreds of requests
for help that NCSF gets every year through our Incident Response
program that the Sexual Sadism, Sexual Masochism, Fetishism and
Transvestic Fetishism diagnoses in the DSM reinforce the negative
stereotypes and stigma against alternative sexual behaviors.”
To support NCSF’s DSM Revision Project, please sign the petition
(www.ncsfreedom.org) that will be sent to the APA urging them to
adhere to scientific research when revising the diagnoses in the DSM.
To find out more about this project, read the NCSF and the ITCR: NCSF
Foundation’s White Paper posted on www.ncsfreedom.org
