Archive for November, 2008

Parenting & divorce…

Sunday, November 30th, 2008 by Dr. Neil Cannon

All Pro NFL tough guy, Brian Urlacher is being accused of dressing his three year old son in Cinderella diapers and painting the boy’s toe nails blue, the team color of the linebacker’s Chicago Bears.  The accuser is the boy’s mother, Tyna Robertson with whom Urlacher is in a child custody battle.  Robertson is complaining that the boy is experiencing gender confusion.  Couples often ask me if divorce effects the children involved. The answer is that of course divorce effects the kids however in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing for many kids.  When kids are negatively affected it is not the divorce itself that causes the problem for most children, it is bad co-parenting.  Kids just want to be loved.  Kids don’t want to be caught in the middle.  Kids do not want to hear mom and dad talk badly about each other, let alone see them treat each other poorly.  So in this case, who is right, mom or dad?  The answer is they are both wrong.  Look Brian, I’m a big fan of yours’ and here’s the deal.  You need to take one for the team and find a way to raise your son in a loving way with his mother.  Long after you hang up your cleats your son will admire and love you for the way you co-parented more than he ever will for the way you tackle. www.doctorcannon.com

 

Is the economy wrecking your sex life?

Wednesday, November 26th, 2008 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, DHS

These days, though people are hopeful about the future, there is a sense of nervousness about what is going to happen next.  Another bail out?  More stocks crashing? More companies letting go of employees?  People are feeling the squeeze and with the holidays coming up, people will feel it more.  Our sex lives suffer during times like these, increased stress, mixed with exhaustion and depression, does not put us in the mood for sex.  Even if we were in the mood, some are just too tired to get there.  Take the 7-day challenge from the previous post.  See if having some sort of sex (intercourse, oral, anal, manual, or masturbation) everyday changes your mood.  Orgasms naturally reduce stress and depression levels by increasing our endorphins, our feel good hormones.  So treat the economy blues with sex and turn those frowns upside down.

Did you hear the one about the pastor who told his congregants to have more sex?

Tuesday, November 25th, 2008 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

Really. Really. Really. The Christian right is getting this one right. The pastor, talking to couples in his congregation, told them that one way to beat the difficult times in our society is by focusing on each other…  to get to know each other again. In the biblical sense. And it seemed to work. He challenged them to have sex seven time this week and see how it felt. He didn’t quite make it  himself, but he tried!

Why don’t you and your partner try the 7 day challenge?

And find the article here.

Another Tip to Avoid Semen

Friday, November 21st, 2008 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, DHS

To add to a previous post of mine, if you are trying to avoid swallowing the semen of your partner, you may want to try this.  When he feels ready and communicates that to you,  continue to lick, kiss, stroke, etc. the shaft and testicles.  To quote from a favorite movie of mine, “Mind the step children”.  Too often, both sexes focus on what they think it is the ”main” part, the clitoris, the vagina, the head of the penis.  Yet both may enjoy other touching, to the testicles, the sides of the legs, the labia.  So when he is ready to ejaculate, focus on the testicles and shaft and stimulate them while pointing the penis upwards so the ejaculate can squirt on his stomach.  You can also, while stimulating these parts, cup the head of the penis to catch the ejaculate and rub it into the head of the penis to add more stimulation.  Everyone Wins!  You are able to avoid the semen and he is still getting stimulation and contact throughout his orgasm.

Thanksgiving…

Wednesday, November 19th, 2008 by Dr. Neil Cannon

As Thanksgiving approaches a group of us were talking about what we are most thankful for professionally.  Here is my response…

 

I am thankful for the opportunity to help people heal and to help people grow. I am thankful for the ability to help people feel normal. I am thankful for the ability to help people embrace their sexual fantasies, desires, behaviors, orientation and identity.  I am thankful when I can help somebody let go of shame.  I am thankful for the opportunity to help people find hope when things seem hopeless.  I am thankful when I can help a couple solve their problems and remain a family.  I am thankful for the opportunity to positively touch lives every day.  I am thankful that I have the most beautifully fulfilling job on earth and get paid to do something I love.  www.doctorcannon.com

Start your week with a smile

Sunday, November 16th, 2008 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

So you women out there think that ejaculating is so easy for your guy??? Think again. Here is a GREAT clip from Woody Allen’s Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask.It’s about 5-7 minutes long but worth watching in its entirely. Thanks so much to Felix from IASHS for forwarding this to me.     http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=dvyUNhNBG-8&feature=related

Vulvodynia – What was I thinking?

Thursday, November 13th, 2008 by Dr. Neil Cannon

I am a very active member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT).  I’m a sex therapist with a private practice in Colorado.  Yesterday, I had a patient with a very complex case of vulvodynia so I put out the word confidentially to my colleagues at AASECT that I needed the best MD in the country who specializes in vulvodynia to examine my patient.  The first response I got came from a colleague in California who said I should connect with Bat Sheva Marcus and Dr. Michael Werner in New York. Well, of course, they contribute to this blog and I am sitting here with pink cheeks of embarrassment. I think I had a brain fart!  What the heck was I thinking. The best is here!

"Changing landscapes" in infidelity

Thursday, November 13th, 2008 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD

The NY Times recently did an article on the changing patterns of adultery. Data suggests that there are significant shifts, with interesting pattern shifts. It seems that older people, as well as women, are raising the averages significantly. These are trends that make sense when you consider that people are more active socially later on in life and new drugs make maintaining a sex life possible. Also, women out in the world are subject to the availability of affairs they may not have had until this point.

If you are interested in seeing more, click on this link. We’d love to hear what you have to say.

Why do I taste like that?

Monday, November 10th, 2008 by Shannon Bertha, ACS, DHS

When I was in college I had a floor mate who was always drinking gallons of apple juice from his micro fridge.  Finally one day I asked him why he was drinking apple juice like it was going out of style.  He said, “Shan, some girl told me that my ejaculate tasted like apple juice, I am always going to drink this stuff!”  I didn’t quite understand him at the time, but he was on the right track and his partners thanked him for it. 

If you do not enjoy the taste of your partner’s semen, you have a few options.  One, ask your partner to tell you before they ejaculate and use your hand to completion.  Or keep a cup next to the bed to spit into if you cannot swallow.  You can also invest in some flavored lube to rub on the penis so you taste cherry or wild berry.  O’my has a wonderful selection of flavored lubes without sugar.  Unlike other lubes that contain sugar to make the flavoring, O’my promotes vaginal health with less of a chance of developing a yeast infection.   Therefore, lubes without sugar are a better choice because you can also use them for penetration.

Another suggestion is to look at your partner’s diet.  Everything we eat gets processed in our body, therefore our sexual fluids are also products of what we eat.  Many times both female and male sexual secretions will taste bitter if the person consumes coffee, alcohol, red meat, garlic, onions, vegetables like broccoli and asparagus and if the person smokes cigarettes.  In order to make the secretions taste sweeter, choose fruits like oranges and apples.  If your doctor agrees, take zinc or selenium supplements….and drink lots of apple juice!

Selecting the right therapist for you…

Saturday, November 8th, 2008 by Dr. Neil Cannon

I frequently get calls from friends and family wanting to know what they should look for when selecting a therapist. My advice: In this age of specialization you should be able to select a therapist who has expertise in your very specific area of concern. Second, studies show that up to 45% of the effectiveness of therapy depends on how well you connect with your therapist. Is their personality compatible with your personality? Are they actively involved in helping you create solutions or do they simply nod and sigh? Either approach is okay depending on your style, however if you are conscious of what you want you are upping your odds for success. Third, I tell my friends to select a therapist that is active in the professional community. None of us has all the answers, but the best therapists are tapped into a broader network of experts we can consult with or refer you to.  Lastly, the pink elephant in the room is often economics. It is important that you select a therapist whose fees are within your budget. If paying with a credit card or insurance is important to you, then be sure to ask about it. And by the way, the right therapist who is more expensive per hour may still turn out to be less expensive, if he or she can help you achieve your goals quickly.  At the end of the day, remember one thing, the really good therapists are only concerned with one thing and that is that you get the best possible care. www.doctorcannon.com