Somehow, we women have gotten a raw deal. Everyong thinks our problems are in “our head.” It makes me INSANE… insane I tell you… when a women comes in and tells me she’s had vaginal pain for 3 years and since the doctor didn’t “see anything” she’s spent the last three years in therapy discussing why she might be having the pain. Listen women… pain is pain. In MOST cases you feel pain when something is not working right, NOT because you had a controling father. So don’t let anyone tell you it’s in your head when it’s not!!

Here is an interesting and relevant article from today’s NY times – Talk About Privacy. A wealthy high level executive in Britain is involved with BDSM  and the story is picked up by the tabloids. It might cost him his job and he has now taken the case to court claiming a severe invasion of privacy. Good for him. It is. Once again I need to ask the question –”why are we all so interested in looking into each other’s bedrooms????” Is it because our sex lives are so unsatisfactory? Is it because we don’t allow normal conversation and discourse on the issue so we all have to resort to being peeping tom’s through the tabloids?” Any thoughts?

I just came back from an AASECT conference (American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapist — yes… there really is such a thing.) It was held in New Orleans of all places. Just imagine 800 sex therapists of one kind or another together in the sin city of the world. It makes for some great stories!

All kidding aside, it did make me feel like I needed to do a post on BDSM. BDSM  stands for some variation on Bondage/Domination/Sadism/Masochism, since it seems that many people are involved in this in one way or another. Believe it or not it covers a wide range of activity from much that is mainstream to much that is considered much “kinkier.” Take a woman who likes to be “pushed around” when she is having sex, or who likes her lover to be the strong man and “take her.” That’s part of it. How about a guy who likes to have his girlfriend use his tie to playfully tie his arms to the bedpost? All of that would fall into the category of BDSM behavior. So there are many people who like to be involved in BDSM of some sort.

Clearly there is a wide range and many BDSM activities can be more severe, or more controlling or even more painful, although I think most of the people involved in these activities would say that pain and pleasure are mixed together. And all responsible BDSM activity always should include a “safe” word, a word that you and your partner know means “enough. Stop it right now…”  And that word should not be “no” or “stop” because people say that half of the fun is being able to wriggle and say “no. stop” knowing full well that he or she won’t and that they really don’t want them too?

At the point where an individual really  wants pain only you should consider it out of the realm of the sexual activity and a dangerous zone. But it’s important for people to realize that a little BDSM “play” (dressing up in leather, telling your partner exactly what you want them to do while you sit watching from the sidelines, or asking for few spanks on the rear end) is part of the fun for some people, making sex a little illicit, a little naughty and much hotter. For many people BDSM is not their thing… and you should never let yourself get talked into taking part in something you don’t want to do. Like romantic walks on the beach… BDSM does it for some people and not for others.

If you haven’t seen the movie ”Secretary” which depicts a more intense BDSM relationship, you may want to rent it –