No.
I wish I had the guts to end the post there. Because frankly that says it all. But alas, I feel compelled to spout more wisdom. No study has suggested that being better looking in any way gets you more sex… or makes you want it more. And from my anecdotal experience with patients I can tell you that many average looking people are having great sex. Many “beautiful” ones are not. It seem to correlate much more with general sex drive and confidence!!!
Often patients talk about feeling shy about trying new things sexually. It’s really more common than you think. Even with (maybe especially with) long term partners. (”What? We’ve been together 20 years, NOW I’m gonna tell him I want him to wear a fireman uniform??”) So here are some thoughts on “shyness.” Most people have it now and then sexually. Your not crazy. Shyness can make you a little scared and insecure and sometimes that’s a great think sexually. You might find that the unease makes the experience more erotic or more intense. It’s easier to talk about something sometimes when your not face to face. Say, when your cuddled agains his/her back… or in the car. If you really can’t talk about something, you can always write it down — leave an note or send an email. But please, please, don’t let your shyness get in the way of your trying something you’ve always wanted to try!!
Check out July’s issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. One of our contributors, Michael A. Werner, MD, is quoted on page 192, in the his & hers column. The question asks when a guy’s fertility starts to dip. Since Dr. Werner is a specialist in male infertility (as well as male sexual dysfunction), he was the perfect source to inform Cosmo’s readers about male fertility.
Since it is the July issue, I don’t know if they will post it on the Web site, but it should only take a couple of seconds to check out if you are passing a newsstand or book store.
Okay, I know. There are so many way this post could go. However, what I want to address is why it is not great for your sex life to have your animals parked in your bedroom (or worse, your bed). I can’t tell you how many couple’s we’ve seen here who are just now realizing what a problem that can be. I am not suggesting that couple’s sex problems start because an animal (usually it’s a dog — I don’t have any clue why) has made the bedroom his/her own. However, while in the process of trying to improve things, the situation is often clear (and comical) I may add. Them: “We can’t have sex because the dogs start to cry/complain/jump on us when we get started.” Me (looking puzzled — and I’ll admit it, I’m not an animal person so that’s probably part of the problem) “Um… maybe they shouldn’t be in the room with you. Can you put them out of the room?” Them: “Oh, we’ve tried that and they spend the whole time scratching at the door and whining.” Me: “um… how about out of the house?” Them: (looking horrified.) that’s not possible because of …” OR sometimes I get… “I can’t even think about sex because the dog/cat/hamster has snuggled up against my wife and I can’t even get it to move…”
Listen folks. You’ve heard it before. The bedroom should be for sleeping and sex. Period. The same way you probably don’t want your kids moving in with you, you really don’t want your pets moving in with you!! But if they are there — I guess you’ll just have to find another room to have sex.
The New York Times wrote a review of two new books, both of which chronicled couples as they embarked on a jourey of having sex every night. One is called “365 Nights” and one is called “Just Do It.” Interesting to me (and I haven’t yet read the books) that in both cases the it was the wive’s idea and I think (again, I haven’t read the books yet) that they thought it would make the husband happy. Although one couple did make it through the whole year, the other stopped at 101 days.
I am often struck by women who come in with low sex drives. When I ask how often they think their husband’s would want to have sex, they say “oh that’s easy, every night.” And I wonder about that. I think our society puts a lot of pressure on our guys. They should always be ready for sex, they should want it constantly, and they should be eager to perform. If they don’t, hmmm, well then,maybe they are not “real men.” This feels no more fair to me, than suggesting that women aren’t interested in sex!!
I think we should do a national experiment. So who’s in?? (maybe I should talk to my husband — ya think?)
One of our contributors, Michael A. Werner, MD, FACS, sent me this link to an article discussing Web sites that help consumers shop for prescription drugs. The article appeared in Kiplinger Magazine a few years ago. Like many patients, Dr. Werner recognizes that costs for pharmaceuticals have shot through the roof and all patients (even those with good health insurance) are looking to save on pharmaceuticals.
This article provides some great information on sites that can help patients find the cheapest drugs. It includes sites that will compare different drugs to find if there are others you might be able to take, sites that find the cheapest pharmacy in your region, and sites with information on generic alternatives. Whether you have health insurance or not, you will find this site beneficial if you ever need prescription medication.
It never ceases to amaze me that even in European communities which seem to be more open to discussing sex, there is always something new to be shocked out. This week, it’s German best-seller “Wetlands,” by a television personality and author, Charlotte Roche. The author seems to get down and dirty in her descriptions of real life sex and she claims to want to reopen the issue of “oversanitizing” the women’s body.
No. No. No. I’m not doing another harangue on penis length, I promise. This has to do with time. There seems to be a prevalent myth out there that women always want men who can last longer. HMMMMM… let’s see. The average time that a penis usually spends in a vagina before ejaculating is 3-5 minutes. Generally as men get older they can last longer. Here’s what I hear from patients. Anything up to 10 minutes can be great. After that, their vagina’s can get irritated. Again, I am talking the norm. Sure there are women out there who want to go at it for 30 minutes. Sure there are women who get irritated after 1 minute (although, it that’s you, sweetie, you might want to ask your doctor for help… that should be treatable if it’s a problem for you.) However, really and truly, most women do not want a penis in their vagina for 30 minutes. It doesn’t feel good. Now, that doesn’t mean that sex has to be over in 10 minutes… if you spend 20 minutes rubbing up against different body parts, having oral sex and using each other’s hands then when the man is good and ready he puts his penis in the vagina, 3-7 minutes should be plenty in there! However, as always, talk – talk-talk. See what your partner wants. Thank goodness we don’t live in “average.”
I am very sure I have mentioned this statistic in previous blogs… only 30% of women orgasm from a penis in their vagina alone. Only 30%. O.K. So if you’re not one of the 30% there is really nothing wrong with you!! However, often women say they WANT to have an orgasm while their partner is inside of them. Totally cool and understandable. It’s nice to have that experience while you are close together. Some women say their orgasms are more intense when they have something inside their vagina…. so here are your choices. 1) Use your own hand. Just wait until you are good and turned on and then slide your hand down there and make yourself cum. 2) Use your partners hand. This take a bit more… shall we say… coordination? but it’s worth a try. If the women is on top or the man is coming in from behind it often frees up the partner’s hand to use on her clitoris. 3) Use a vibrator while the guy is inside from any direction. Sometimes guys love the feel of the vibrator. Sometimes they don’t. Check in. 4)A “hands free vibrator.” They make a whole bunch of models but they are all the same idea. There is a ring that goes around the guys penis. (A “constrictor if you are trying to be cultured. A “cock ring” if you are trying to be cool.) The end of it has a small vibrator that should hit the women’s clitoris. There are a bunch of models out there. Check out some adult toy websites. Just be aware that these vibrators are small so they may not do the job for all women.
