February 5th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD
Our team just went up to New Hampshire to learn a new treatment for severe vaginismus from a wonderful Doctor. He (and his caring staff) have developed a procedure which uses general anesthesia and botox in order to help women over the first, most frightening hurdle of treatment.
When I am lecturing and trying to explain vaginismus , the analogy I use to describe how a patient feels is to compare it to what your reaction might be if I told you I was going to put a pen into your eye.
If I said to you,”Listen, I am going to put this pen in your eye. Not to worry, it won’t hurt a bit and actually it will feel good,” you would look at me as though I had three heads and run for your life.
Patients with severe vaginismus feel that way. Often with anti anxiety medications, behavior medication, relaxation exercises we can work with a woman to help her get those first dilators in. Sometimes it just doesn’t work and it’s just too hard.
This new procedure has the women under general anesthesia while a physician injects Botox (stops the muscles from going into spasm) local anesthesia(so that there is absolutely no initial pain) and put in a large dilator. The patient wakes up having the dilator in and that really is jumping the first few hurdles. There is still significant work for the patient. She has to work with dilators, get comfortable with the idea of inserting something into her vagina, internalize the idea that there is really no pain and then make the transfer to intercourse.
It doesn’t solve the whole problem, but it can be a big help and relief for the right patient and we are so glad that we will be able to offer it in our office as well.
Tags: botox, painful sex, vaginismus
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February 3rd, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD
If you’ve perused this website you know that vaginismus is a condition where there is involuntary spasm of the entry muscles to the vagina, causing either pain or, in extreme cases a complete inability to penetrate.
I hope you also know that it’s very treatable and you shouldn’t’ t feel like you have to live with it. One of things I’ve noticed with vaginismus patients is that they are often scared to come in for treatment and therefore put things off for a very long time – and suffer needlessly.
Sometimes they put things off and put things off until there is some crises, a partner leaves, they stop dating etc.
But if that’s you— here’s something to think about:
more often than not, the fear is way worse than the treatment. Most patients say that once they got in the door, the rest was easy.
So maybe it’s time you treated yourself!
Tags: painful sex, penetration, vaginismus
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January 28th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD
I wish I had a nickel for every patient who thinks that the way they masturbate is “weird.” I’d be rich. My favorite one is the hundreds of women who all think that lying on their stomach and rubbing againsttheir hands, a blanket or a pillow is totally unique to them and no one else does it that way. HA!
Relax. Let me tell you a secret, if you do it, chances are so do others. That’s the bottom line. And even in the unlikely event that you have found a brand-new, never before tried way to masturbate – so what? Whoever said there was one right way to do it?
The only concern you may have about your choice in masturbation technique might be (and notice I’m saying MIGHT BE) if that is the only way you can orgasm, you might want to expand your repertoire to allow yourself an orgasm that your partner can share in if you choose to do so. So if the only way you can orgasm is hiding in a closet, facing the wall – that may make it hard to share the experience.
Other than that, enjoy yourself. And don’t worry!!
Tags: guilt and sex, masturbation
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January 25th, 2010 by Dr. Shannon Bertha
After speaking with many, many women and hearing their stories, I have found that some men and women are keeping track of their orgasms and only perform oral sex on a partner when they are guaranteed to get it in return. Or couples don’t perform oral sex on their partner at all because, “it isn’t fair [s]he gets to have an orgasm when I don’t!” It is important for everyone in the equation to be getting what they want.
Although it is important for both partners to experience orgasm, orgasms are not necessarily needed for a good time. Take turns some nights, focusing all the pleasure on one person; another night focus on the other. Try giving one partner oral sex, with nothing in return. Even though it is pleasurable to perform oral sex on someone, as the receiver, it is nice to know you can lay back and relax without the expectation that after you will give that person oral sex too. Sometimes is nice to just bask in the orgasm and enjoy the sensations to your skin and body.
Tags: orgasm
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January 19th, 2010 by Dr. Neil Cannon
It was only a matter of time before Tiger ended up in rehab for “sex addiction.” I’ve been predicting this scenario publicly since November. It appears that Tiger is now at Pine Grove Behavioral Health and Addiction Services in Mississippi, not South Africa as originally reported. I would like to dispel a common myth among women who have been cheated on. Men don’t cheat because of your appearance. Trust me, Tiger’s admitted “transgressions” didn’t have anything to do with Elin’s looks!
Infidelity is about unfulfilled needs, low self esteem, compulsivity, irresponsibility and a low emotional IQ. Cheating can be about getting even and a lot of other things including narcissism which raises a lot of questions about Tiger. If you would like to read more about the impact of “sex addiction” and infidelity, you might enjoy an article I was interviewed for by the leading women’s magazine, “She Knows”. http://www.sheknows.com/articles/812944
Tags: sex addiction, tiger woods
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January 18th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD
So much buzz out there about the new way of creating relationships… not quite monogamous, but open and honest and fluid and… does it work? Here’s some more information about the lifestyle – in Boston no less!
http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/magazine/articles/2010/01/03/loves_new_frontier/
Tags: polyamory
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January 15th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD
I had a patient yesterday who has zero sex drive. Zero. She has never masturbated. She has never fantasized. She has never been turned on as far as she can tell. She is sad and frustrated and it is effecting her marriage.
She spent the last two years on sex therapy. The first year was with a sex therapist who spend the entire time having her discuss the fact that she was raised by a step father, a warm, nurturing man and the only one she ever knew as a father since he married her mother when she was pregnant. Not surprisingly this didn’t help her sex drive a whole lot.
The second sex therapist did similarly. But they also spend a great deal of time talking about a dentist who paid too much attention to her and kissed her on the cheek when she was 15. This didn’t seem to affect her sex drive much either.
ENOUGH. At some point we need to get smarter about the time (and money) we are spending on therapy.
Consider the following possibilities: Perhaps some problems have a physical component. Maybe some are genetic. Some problems simply cannot be helped. Spending time in sex therapy grasping at straws because the therapist needs something to address, is not only useless but detrimental to patients. If you consider these likely possibilities and their relatively direct treatments, you will be a wise consumer and an educated patient. You know if you are being helped. If you are not, stop.
Tags: low libido, orgasm, painful sex, sex therapy
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January 12th, 2010 by Dr. Shannon Bertha
This past week, the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey held its 37th annual human sexuality program for second year medical students. This program offers large group lectures, panelists, workshops and small group debriefings surrounding various issues in sexuality. Future doctors are exposed to a variety of information on sexuality and learn how to be accepting and non-judgmental of people’s sexual practices. Students practice giving sexual histories and learn how to be sensitive and aware of spectrums of sexuality.
This January program included many sexuality professionals with different backgrounds such as medical doctors, sexuality counselors, sex therapists, sex educators and social workers to name a few. For the second year in a row, the program was fortunate to have three representatives from the Medical Center to present on sexual dysfunction. Dr. Michael Werner gave an intriguing lecture on male sexual dysfunction and Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus opened up the students’ eyes to many issues women face when dealing with sexual dysfunction. Dr. Shannon Bertha served as the program coordinator as well as the opening lecturer on “Normative Sexual Behaviors”.
It is beneficial for students to learn from practitioners in the field using specific case histories that we encounter. Many students expressed support for such a program, one that had a completely professional focus where they could interact with other future clinicians on the complex issues of sex and sexual dysfunction. Many were happy to know there are clinicians in practice who focus solely on women’s sexuality including sexual health and pleasure.
Tags: sex therapy, Sex Week at UMDNJ, sexual health
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January 4th, 2010 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD
Fantasies are just that: fantasies. Our society’s discomfort with fantasies or misunderstanding of them is sometime scary. A person can have a fantasy and in many, many cases have no real desire to act on it.
Click below to read about a case where the line between fact and fantasy becomes blurred through normative fears and preconceptions. When the legal line gets blurred between fact and fantasy, things can get really frightening. And people’s lives can change because of it.
Click here to read about a legal case where that is exactly what happened. I’d love to hear your comments.
http://dodsonandross.com/blogs/betty-dodson/2010/01/fantasy-trialagain?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+BettyDodsonOnline+(Betty+Dodson+Online)&utm_content=Google+Reader%20http://www.google.com/
Tags: sexual fantasies
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December 24th, 2009 by Bat Sheva Marcus LMSW MPH PhD
Round and around we go arguing whether having a lot of sex makes you healthier or being healthier make you have more sex. As usual I’m going to argue that it’s a little bit of both! If you feel healthy and fit (no matter your age or weight) you’ll be likely to have better sex. And having more frequent and better sex has proven to be beneficial in so many ways. You know how it is, no matter how thin or “in shape” you are, if you just plowed your way through a bag of chips and washed it down with soda, you probably will not feel sexy – (you may feel bloated and greasy, but probably not sexy.) On the other hand if you’ve just come from a day or two of eating well and getting some exercise, even if you haven’t fulfilled your fitness goals, you probably will feel healthy and much more interested in a romp with your partner. So if you’re at a holiday party this week, see if it helps to ask yourself if you’d rather eat that… whatever it is… or you’d rather feel like peeling off your clothes and going for it when you get home. Click here to read more. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34514075/ns/health-sexual_health/
And happy holidays.
Tags: better sex, great sex, sex life
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